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Some people think that students who achieve the best academic results should be rewarded. Others believe it is more important to reward students who show improvement. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that students who achieve the best academic results should be rewarded. Others believe it is more important to reward students who show improvement. v. 2
Some people argue that universities should support students who achieve high goals in research, whilst others say that the improvement ought to be rewarded. I think that both points of view are valid and bring benefit for universities. First of all, the university is a place when new knowledge is acquired by students. Research is a paramount way to achieve new knowledge, so it must be promoted and supported by the higher school. Furthermore, research is done not only by the academic staff but also by students who are passionate about science. By providing such students with incentives (stipends, grants), university enhances its own ability to carry out research. For example, plenty of universities in Europe have research institutes instead of faculties, and students are involved in the scientific practice sinse the first term. On the other hand, university prepares people to start a job or career by giving them essential information via the process of education. Some people do not have problems understanding new information, while others do. Those who need an improvement should be encouraged because without the improvement they are likely to not attain their personal aims like a start of new job. It could also affect university' s prestige. Hence, the improvement in grades must be promoted. For instance, Einstein had problems in school. Had he not been inspired to remedy the situation by his teacher, he would not have become the greatest physicist in the world. In conclusion, I believe that universities should endorse not only students participation in research but also those who show the enhancement of educational abilities. Such practice will be beneficial for university.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
achieve high goals in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
, whilst others say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
ought to
be rewarded
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both points of view are valid and bring benefit for universities.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is a place when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
knowledge
is acquired
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Research
is a paramount way to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be promoted
and supported by the higher school.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
is done
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by the academic staff
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are passionate about science. By providing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with incentives (stipends, grants),
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
enhances its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ability to carry out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
in Europe have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
institutes
instead
of faculties, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are involved
in the scientific practice
Possible spelling mistake found.
sinse
the
first
term.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
prepares
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a job or career by giving them essential information via the process of education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have problems understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
information, while others do. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
need an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
should
be encouraged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
they are likely to not attain their personal aims like a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
job. It could
also
affect
Possible spelling mistake found.
university&
#039; s prestige.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
in grades
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be promoted
.
For instance
, Einstein had problems in school. Had he not
been inspired
to remedy the situation by his teacher, he would not have become the greatest physicist in the world.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should endorse not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "students'" or "student's"?
students
participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the enhancement of educational abilities. Such practice will be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that students who achieve the best academic results should be rewarded. Others believe it is more important to reward students who show improvement. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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