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Some people think that schools schould reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvement. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that schools schould reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvement. v. 2
People have different views about whether award should be given to those who are excellent in academic scores or those showing improvement in the class. while I agree that school should give a gift to the best student, I would like to argue that giving award to improvement students is more reasonable. On one hand, there are several reasons why award should be applied to those who are outstanding performance in the class. Firstly, the aim of giving reward is that it motivates student not only to study harder but also to make an effort to get their target. For example, a great student are willing to spend a numerous time to study instead of playing game online or going out with friend. In addition, prize can create a high competitive environment in class because by living in this environment forces students continuous effort to study in courses. As a result, excellent student deserve to grant a scholarship in school. On the other hands, every individuals who make strikes in their studying result should be considered to get an award because of some reasons. First of all, it gives to every body an equal chance to achieve award rather than only focus on higher academic result. This could be because, instead of feeling disappointed when competing with their the top of the classmates, student who are recognised their effort will feel more motivated if they are rewarded for making remarkable progress. Furthermore, different students process a different talents. Therefore, Assessing a excellent student based on their best academic result is difficult. Award should be given to those who showing improvement not only his/her interested courses but also on his /her unfavorable subjects. In conclusion, it is obvious that excellent student deserve to get award however, school should recognize the effort of improvement students by providing a gift in oder to motivate them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
award
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excellent
in academic scores or those showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that school should give a gift to the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, I would like to argue that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
award
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is more reasonable.

On one hand, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
award
should
be applied
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are outstanding performance in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Firstly
, the aim of giving reward is that it motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to study harder
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effort
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their target.
For example
, a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
are willing to spend a numerous time to study
instead
of playing game online or going out with friend.
In addition
, prize can create a high competitive environment in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by living in this environment forces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
continuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effort
to study in courses. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
deserve to grant a scholarship in school.

On the other hands, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "individual"?
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strikes in their studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
should
be considered
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
award
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it gives to every body an equal chance to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
award
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on higher academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
. This could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
instead
of feeling disappointed when competing with their the top of the classmates,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
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who
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effort
will feel more motivated if they
are rewarded
for making remarkable progress.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
process a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "talent"?
talents
.
Therefore
, Assessing
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
based on their best academic
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result
is difficult.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Award
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
his/her interested courses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on his /her unfavorable subjects.

In conclusion
, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
deserve to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
award
however
, school should
Do not mix variants of the same word ('recognize' and 'recognise') within a single text.
recognize
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effort
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by providing a gift in
Possible spelling mistake found.
oder
to motivate them.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people think that schools schould reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvement. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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