Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The bar chart below shows Scotland’s exports to the rest of the UK and the rest of the world for the year 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where necessary. v.1

The bar chart below shows Scotland’s exports to the rest of the UK and the rest of the world for the year 2014.
Developed medical systems help people to improve their health and live longer than before. For this reason, every year government spends more time and effort to achieve health care goals and give access to citizens to get high-quality health services. In my opinion, the advantages of this process significantly exceed its disadvantages. The improvement of the health care system is especially essential for older people, because their medical conditions often are fragile, and this group of people is sensitive and vulnerable to severe diseases. Moreover, the longer life expectancy gives a chance to people to work and achieve more during their professional activity. For instance, they may become scientists and researchers and make an important discovery for humankind. Furthermore, this gives opportunities for families to spend more time with their parents and grandparents. Learn about their values and traditions, share experience and knowledge between the generations. This process is considered valuable for the country’s sustainable development. Otherwise, some people support the opinion that extended life expectancy combined with youth unemployment can cause poverty and starvation because the amount of older people considerably exceeds the number of the young generation. For this reason, it is hard to collect enough taxes and pay affordable pensions. In conclusion, after analysing both opinions about the advantages and disadvantages. It can be assumed that the positive effects of improved medical systems significantly surpasses its negative side. Every life is valuable, and we should put more effort to decrease the rate of death. This will increase the productivity of the community and give the opportunity to plan long-term goals and activities. Besides, it will raise the level of happiness of people and society at all.
Developed medical systems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For this reason
, every year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spends more time and effort to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care goals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
access to citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services. In my opinion, the advantages of this process
significantly
exceed its disadvantages.

The improvement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system is
especially
essential for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their medical conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
are fragile, and this group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is sensitive and vulnerable to severe diseases.
Moreover
, the longer life expectancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work and achieve more during their professional activity.
For instance
, they may become scientists and researchers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
discovery for humankind.

Furthermore
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
opportunities for families to spend more time with their parents and grandparents. Learn about their values and traditions, share experience and knowledge between the generations. This process
is considered
valuable for the country’s sustainable development.

Otherwise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
support the opinion that extended life expectancy combined with youth unemployment can cause poverty and starvation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the amount of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
considerably
exceeds the number of the young generation.
For this reason
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to collect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
taxes and pay affordable pensions.

In conclusion
, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both opinions about the advantages and disadvantages. It can
be assumed
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
medical systems
significantly
surpasses its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side. Every life is valuable, and we should put more effort to decrease the rate of death. This will increase the productivity of the community and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
the opportunity to plan long-term goals and activities.
Besides
, it will raise the level of happiness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and society at all.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar chart below shows Scotland’s exports to the rest of the UK and the rest of the world for the year 2014.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts