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As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what exten v.3

As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what exten v. 3
It is certainly true that health care is one of the most important aspect of the human life, thereby, one of the greatest challenges for a ministry to ensure well being of its citizens. It is observed that since last few decades democracies have spent huge sums on the fitness facilities and technologies for their populace. I, thus, agree with the statement that with the aforementioned approach legislature authorities somehow fail to give enough importance to health education and precautionary measures. To commence with, governments in many countries tend to bring the latest medical technologies and treatment to their respective countries. The United Nation of America, for instance, spends 23% of their annual GDP on fitness cares, reportedly. However, there is no any programme by the government to educate the Americans about healthy eating habits, or about any specific illness. This in turn has caused obesity as a deep rooted well-being issue health issue for them. The scenario could have been easily avoided if the government had focused on prevention of sickness rather than solely on treatment. Moreover, this trend is common among the developed nation, even the common people are apparently dependent on supplements and drugs, instead of good diet and exercise. Due to the disinterest of common public, governments seems to be reluctant in promoting health education of run health care campaigns. The private health insurance companies play a big role in exacerbating the situation, as their business feeds on the costly treatments and not on simple precautions opted by the dwellers of the countries. To conclude, although some countries show little interest in opting preventive measures and educate their citizens, most of the countries work toward inventing and buying advanced after treatment techniques. Nevertheless, in my opinion, deliberate efforts in the direction of health educations and regular checkups may result in overall higher fitness standards for a country's respective government.
It is
certainly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of the human life, thereby, one of the greatest challenges for a ministry to ensure
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of its citizens. It
is observed
that since last few decades democracies have spent huge sums on the fitness facilities and technologies for their populace. I,
thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that with the aforementioned approach legislature authorities somehow fail to give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education and precautionary measures.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
tend to bring the latest medical technologies and treatment to their respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The United Nation of America,
for instance
, spends 23% of their annual GDP on fitness cares, reportedly.
However
, there is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to educate the Americans about healthy eating habits, or about any specific illness. This in turn has caused obesity as a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
deep rooted
well-being issue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issue for them. The scenario could have been
easily
avoided if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
had focused on prevention of sickness
rather
than
solely
on treatment.

Moreover
, this trend is common among the developed nation, even the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
apparently
dependent on supplements and drugs,
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
diet and exercise. Due to the disinterest of common public,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
seems to be reluctant in promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education of run
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care campaigns. The private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
insurance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in exacerbating the situation, as their business feeds on the costly treatments and not on simple precautions opted by the dwellers of the countries.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
interest in opting preventive measures and educate their citizens, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
work toward inventing and buying advanced after treatment techniques.
Nevertheless
, in my opinion, deliberate efforts in the direction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
educations and regular checkups may result in
overall
higher fitness standards for a country's respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what exten v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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