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Some people think that students benefit from going to private secondary schools. Others, however, feel that private secondary schools can have a negative effect on society as a whole. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that students benefit from going to private secondary schools. Others, however, feel that private secondary schools can have a negative effect on society as a whole. v. 2
Exploration of the space by the humans has been generated controversy in the past. In the last century, when a human astronaut stepped on the moon, he said it was "a giant leap for mankind”. However, some people thought it made little difference to our daily lives. There are several reasons why some people view space exploration unnecessary. Firstly, the exploration of space costs a lot. Travelling to space require state-of-the-art equipment and complicated devices, not to mention the education and training of astronauts. Each year, billions of dollars are considered by plenty of countries for space exploration, while this money could have been used in more urgent problems, such as saving poor people who may die of malnutrition, starvation, or war. Secondly, exploring space is fraught with risk. For example, NASA's first two shuttles, Challenger and Columbia, were lost in spaceflight tragedies of 1986 and 2003 that cost 14 astronauts' lives. Conversely, other people believe exploring space is crucial for the mankind. First of all, analysing the untouched territory might contribute to the scientific progress. From the macroscopic and microscopic perspective, humans will know more about the universe and have a deeper understanding of these planets’ interior environment. For instance, some rare metals and minerals existed in space were found to have medicinal value in curing cancer, which impetus the further development of medicine. Furthermore, studying space can benefit the future generation. For the continuous deterioration of the environment, the surface of the Earth may become entirely uninhabitable in the future. Therefore, exploring space will be of help for the coming generations, who can survive on other planets. To sum up, although might be costly and risky, space exploration has touched our everyday lives through scientific progress and may get tied up with the future generation's survival. Consequently, I definitely believe that exploring space is a big leap for mankind.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exploration
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
by the humans has
been generated
controversy in the past. In the last century, when a human astronaut stepped on the moon, he said it was
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
a giant leap for mankind”.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
it made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
difference to our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

There are several reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
unnecessary.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
costs a lot. Travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
require state-of-the-art equipment and complicated devices, not to mention the education and training of astronauts. Each year, billions of dollars
are considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of countries for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
,
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "whiles".
while
this money could have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in more urgent problems, such as saving poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
of malnutrition, starvation, or war.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
is fraught with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
For example
, NASA's
first
two shuttles, Challenger and Columbia,
were lost
in spaceflight tragedies of 1986 and 2003 that cost 14 astronauts'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Conversely
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
is crucial for the mankind.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the untouched territory might contribute to the scientific progress. From the macroscopic and microscopic perspective, humans will know more about the universe and have a deeper understanding of these planets’ interior environment.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rare metals and minerals existed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
were found
to have medicinal value in curing cancer, which impetus the
further
development of medicine.
Furthermore
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
can benefit the future generation. For the continuous deterioration of the environment, the surface of the Earth may become
entirely
uninhabitable in the future.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
will be of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for the coming generations, who can survive on other planets.

To sum up, although might be costly and risky,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
has touched our everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
through scientific progress and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tied up with the future generation's survival.
Consequently
, I definitely believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
leap for mankind.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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Amy Chua

IELTS essay Some people think that students benefit from going to private secondary schools. Others, however, feel that private secondary schools can have a negative effect on society as a whole. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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