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Some people think that students benefit from going to private secondary schools. Others, however, feel that private secondary schools can have a negative effect on society as a whole. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.3

Some people think that students benefit from going to private secondary schools. Others, however, feel that private secondary schools can have a negative effect on society as a whole. v. 3
World population is increasing in such a way that every person in the country can not enjoy the facilities provided by its Government. One among such debatable subject is secondary in every locality. This discussion is my opinion that proves a private institution has not had any negative side as many of the people considering. Indeed, public secondary schools are very limited in every country. The Government can not establish a public school in all villages or localities. This can be because of its economic liability or may be due to some other reasons. For example, a poor economy with below average income cannot invest to operate a public institution in each village. Hence every pupil will not get benefited. However, a private party who has the capability to establish and operate an educational institution are always helpful. They could successfully run an educational institution with necessary permissions from the ruling Government, in order to maintain the quality as per the requirements of the country's educational system. For example, obviously a private school can provide with more facilities, according to the need of every student. This way a private school cannot have a negative effect. In addition, this gives a small income to the Government. In conclusion, public secondary schools are limited to provide educational facilities to every aspirant in a country. On the other hand, a privately funded school would be much beneficial to the crowd. Also, the Government should encourage such initiatives from the people so that they would feel benefited and no negative effects on society as general.
World population is increasing in such a way that every person in the country can not enjoy the facilities provided by its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
. One among such debatable subject is secondary in every locality. This discussion is my opinion that proves a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
institution
has not had any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
considering.

Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited in every country. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
can not establish a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in all villages or localities. This can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its economic liability or may be due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other reasons.
For example
, a poor economy with below average income cannot invest to operate a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
institution
in each village.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
every pupil will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefited.

However
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
party who has the capability to establish and operate an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
institution
are always helpful. They could
successfully
run an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
institution
with necessary permissions from the ruling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
, in order to maintain the quality as per the requirements of the country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
system.
For example
,
obviously
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can provide with more facilities, according to the need of every student. This way a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
cannot have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect.
In addition
, this gives a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
income to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are limited
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
facilities to every aspirant in a country.
On the other hand
, a
privately
funded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
would be much beneficial to the crowd.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should encourage such initiatives from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they would feel benefited and no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on society as general.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that students benefit from going to private secondary schools. Others, however, feel that private secondary schools can have a negative effect on society as a whole. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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