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Some people think that student benefits from going to private secondary schools. Others, however, feel that private schools can have a negative effect on society as a whole. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that student benefits from going to private secondary schools. Others, however, feel that private schools can have a negative effect on society as a whole. v. 1
A good education is a constitutional focus nowadays. Some people believe that private schools are best for learners. While others contradict this idea and say that it has a negative impact on the community. A nation is a mixture of rich and poor people. However, middle and lower classes cannot afford and they also face many other problems. Furthermore, I will discuss both the views and elaborate on my opinion. On the one hand, some people conclude that private schools are beneficial for scholars. In other words, they have set their mark in education. For example, the beacon house school has top rank in Pakistan. Every year, 70% of tutors got selected in the medical profession. In addition, they have educational standards with highly skilled instructors. As a result, private schools are more attractive and rich families are wishing to get their child admissions. On the other hand, some people argue that private schools mark a negative impact on the nation. In other words, it is somehow true. Because the rest of the nation accepts elite class is hand to mouth. They cannot afford an expensive school and their costs. All parents wish to give their children a good education. But some obstacles are there which resist them to do so. Due to this, a negative impact implies to the community. To sum up, schooling is essential for all the toddlers. Elite class can straight forward do so. But the issue arises for the rest of society. There should be some separate quota for the middle and lower class, with affordable fees. So they can also fulfil their kid's dream
A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education is a constitutional focus nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are best for learners. While others contradict this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and say that it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the community. A nation is a mixture of rich and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, middle and lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
cannot
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
afford and
they
also
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
problems.
Furthermore
, I will discuss both the views and elaborate on my opinion.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
conclude that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are beneficial for scholars. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they have set their mark in education.
For example
, the beacon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has top rank in Pakistan. Every year, 70% of tutors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
selected in the medical profession.
In addition
, they have educational standards with
highly
skilled instructors.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are more attractive and rich families
The verb 'wishing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are wishing
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their child admissions.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
mark a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the nation. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it is somehow true.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the rest of the nation accepts elite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is hand to mouth. They cannot afford an expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and their costs. All parents wish to give their children a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obstacles are there which resist them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. Due to this, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact implies to the community.

To sum up, schooling is essential for all the toddlers. Elite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can straight forward do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the issue arises for the rest of society. There should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
separate quota for the middle and lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, with affordable fees.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they can
also
fulfil their kid's
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
dream
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Some people think that student benefits from going to private secondary schools. Others, however, feel that private schools can have a negative effect on society as a whole. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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