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Some people think that students benefit from going to private secondary schools. Others, however, feel that private secondary schools can have a negative effect on society as a whole. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that students benefit from going to private secondary schools. Others, however, feel that private secondary schools can have a negative effect on society as a whole. v. 1
People have different opinion on spending money for space excavations. However, there are many benefits of this. Firstly, this study would find solutions for some of the problems of mankind. Moreover, long term survival of the human race significantly depends on finding another planet to move off from the planet earth; therefore, space explorations are inevitable. Similarly, humans have benefited from these since a long back ago. Take digital imaging techniques as an example, which were originally developed by NASA to study pictures of the moon, later on this technique used in diagnostic purpose. However, others think that it would be better if tax payers money spent on much pressing issues: development of hospitals, educational institutions, and public infrastructures. Many think that it requires only fraction of the money that squandering on this research. Similarly, most of the countries investing in this with the view of getting military dominance, rather than for humans’ benefits. So, it is a worrying situation that, there is a possibility of using satellite to spy on each other, it might have long term repercussion. People are differed regarding owning a gun. There are many people believe that there should be gun laws for the peaceful society. Firstly, if any mentally ill person carries a licensed gun, can be posed threat to the society and many argue that a peaceful society cannot be achieved as long as members of the community own these deadly weapons. Free gun ownership is an outdated system at the time when the common people are more at risk. Despite the above argument, others think that, people should be allowed to have their own gun as they can protect themselves with this. There is no guarantee that these restrictions or hard rules against owning guns can be fruitful as there are more numbers of people die from motor accidents. However, no one argues to ban driving.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion on spending money for space excavations.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of this.
Firstly
, this study would find solutions for
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
problems of mankind.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
term survival of the human race
significantly
depends on finding another planet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
off from the planet earth;
therefore
, space explorations are inevitable.
Similarly
, humans have benefited from these since a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
back ago. Take digital imaging techniques as an example, which were
originally
developed by NASA to study pictures of the moon, later on this technique
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in diagnostic purpose.

However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it would be better if tax payers money spent on much pressing issues: development of hospitals, educational institutions, and public infrastructures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it requires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fraction of the money that squandering on this research.
Similarly
, most of the countries investing in this with the view of getting military dominance,
rather
than for humans’ benefits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is a worrying situation that, there is a possibility of using satellite to spy on each other, it might have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "termed".
term
repercussion.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are differed
regarding owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
laws for the peaceful society.

Firstly
, if any mentally ill person carries a licensed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
, can
be posed
threat to the society and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that a peaceful society cannot
be achieved
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
as members of the community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
these deadly weapons. Free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
ownership is an outdated system at the time when the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

Despite the above argument, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
as they can protect themselves with this. There is no guarantee that these restrictions or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
against owning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
can be fruitful as there are more numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
from motor accidents.
However
, no one argues to ban driving.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that students benefit from going to private secondary schools. Others, however, feel that private secondary schools can have a negative effect on society as a whole. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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