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Some people think that students benefit from going to private secondary schools. Others, however, feel that private secondary schools can have a negative effect on society as a whole. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some people think that students benefit from going to private secondary schools. Others, however, feel that private secondary schools can have a negative effect on society as a whole. v. 4
Most of the people believe that private secondary schools provide much advantages to students. To some extent, there is a group of people who claims the negative impact of private secondary education on society. It is well-known that private sector follows international educational standard and facilitates their students. To provide an opinion, this essay will emphasize on both aspects and discuss the effects of private secondary education. Firstly, private secondary school facilitates the students by providing good environment and infrastructure. Student feel more convenient to use such facilities. For example, private school provide state of the art technology in the class rooms because knowledge can be easily communicated to the students. Therefore, people trust in the private secondary school due to the infrastructure and convenience in student learning. Secondly, it is evident that private education is expensive. The admission requirements are tough in private schools. Sometimes society feel isolated due to the different classes and sections provided in the private schools. For instance, many private schools offer several sub divisions for a single standard. This variance in several group of students for the same standard airs a discouragement among students. Hence, some people feel that private secondary education may create a negativity in the society. In the end, the private secondary education does provide facilities to students. It also creates a negative impact on society by differentiating among students. In my opinion, education system must be unified to create competitive environment for public and private sector. Similarly, a unified system offers a choice among people to decide which option is suitable for their children.
Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, there is a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who claims the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
on society. It is well-known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
sector follows international educational standard and facilitates their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
an opinion, this essay will emphasize on both aspects and discuss the effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
education.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
facilitates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
environment and infrastructure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Student
feel more convenient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such facilities.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
Did you mean "state-of-the-art"?
state of the art
technology in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
rooms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
knowledge can be
easily
communicated to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
trust in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
due to the infrastructure and convenience in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
learning.

Secondly
, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is expensive. The admission requirements are tough in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
society feel isolated due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
classes and sections provided in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
offer several sub divisions for a single standard. This variance in several group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for the same standard airs a discouragement among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
may create a negativity in the society.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
facilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. It
also
creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on society by differentiating among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be unified
to create competitive environment for public and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
sector.
Similarly
, a unified system offers a choice among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to decide which option is suitable for their children.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that students benefit from going to private secondary schools. Others, however, feel that private secondary schools can have a negative effect on society as a whole. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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