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Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. v.16

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. v. 16
A group of people believe that in order to increase the safety for the driving on roads, governments should make stricter regulations for any indiscipline in driving attitudes. On the contrary, another group thinks that authorities should consider other effective solutions for it. The following essay will discuss both views in details, but in my personal opinion, I do believe that the combination of both ideas would ensure a better road safety. On the one hand, many people worry about the number of driving accidents. Each year, the number of people who are injured or pass away due to traffic accidents has increased significantly. In most cases, accidents have occurred due to the interdisciplinary acts of the drivers themselves, such as speeding,   drunk driving or using their mobile phones during driving. And to solve the problem, the government should make a strict regulation about traffic accidents. People who are found to be guilty of any driving rule violation should be punished with serious penalties and detentions. By having these kinds of policy, it is hoped that traffic accident rates will decrease gradually. On the other hand, other people believe that strict punishments would not effectively solve the problem. There are other measures which governments and the public should consider. Firstly, governments could cooperate with the media in making campaign about safe driving. Television commercials and magazine advertisements could be used by the government in socialising about the negative effect of aggressive or offensive driving. Secondly, governments could also give rewards to their citizens who are obeying the road regulations. For example, when people renew their driving license, authorities could check their track records. Those who have clean track records could get motor vehicles tax discount or exemption. In conclusion, people have a varying opinion on how to reduce the number traffic accidents. While some people believe that there should be stricter policies and regulations about driving, others think that there should be another effective way of addressing the issue. In my point of view, I believe that both policies have their own positive sides and when people could combine them, it would be an effective way of reducing traffic accidents.
A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that in order to increase the safety for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
on roads,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
stricter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulations
for any indiscipline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
attitudes.
On the contrary
, another group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that authorities should consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
effective solutions for it. The following essay will discuss both views in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my personal opinion, I do
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believe
that the combination of both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
would ensure a better road safety.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worry about the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
. Each year, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are injured
or pass away due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
has increased
significantly
.
In most cases
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
have occurred due to the interdisciplinary acts of the drivers themselves, such as speeding,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
drunk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
or using their mobile phones during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
. And to solve the problem, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulation
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are found
to be guilty of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
violation should
be punished
with serious penalties and detentions. By having these kinds of policy, it
is hoped
that
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traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
rates will decrease
gradually
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that strict punishments would not
effectively
solve the problem. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures which
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governments
and the public should consider.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
could cooperate with the media in making campaign about safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
. Television commercials and magazine advertisements could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect of aggressive or offensive
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driving
.
Secondly
,
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governments
could
also
give rewards to their citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are obeying the road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulations
.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
renew their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
license, authorities could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
records. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have clean
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
records could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motor vehicles tax discount or exemption.

In conclusion
,
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people
have a varying opinion on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that there should be stricter policies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulations
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there should be another effective way of addressing the issue. In my point of view, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that both policies have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides and when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could combine them, it would be an effective way of reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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