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Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give opinion. v.2

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. v. 2
Strict penalties for bad drivers are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Even though, there are other solutions would be more effective in improving road safety, this will not replace the strict penalties in preventing road accidents. Nowadays, the number of road accidents has been increased, the reason for this are many, such as; drunk while driving, bad driving attitude and lack of driving experience. One of the worst subjects on the road is a drunk driver, this kind of driver may cause terrible damage to the other people, because they are driving in an uncontrollable way. Furthermore, there is a kind of a driver that has lack of driving experience, however, he or she is less dangerous because the driver is still in control. Although, there are other solutions instead of the strict penalties, such as; encouraging the drivers to not drive while they are drunk, improve propaganda, but the number of road accidents was still high. This is because of a bad behaviour of the drivers have been developed for a very long time, hence, the behaviour is like a disease without a cure. Finally, when there are no hopes with the alternative solutions, the drivers need the strict penalties to remind them of taking more responsibility when they are driving.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalties
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
are the key to reducing traffic accidents.
Even though
, there are other solutions would be more effective in improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
safety, this will not replace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalties
in preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
accidents.

Nowadays, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
accidents has
been increased
, the reason for this are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, such as; drunk while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
attitude and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
experience. One of the worst subjects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
is a drunk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driver
, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driver
may cause terrible damage to the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
Consider replacing "in an uncontrollable way" with the adverb for "uncontrollable"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an uncontrollable way
.
Furthermore
, there is a
If 'kind' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
kind of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driver
that has lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
experience,
however
, he or she is less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driver
is
still
in control.

Although, there are other solutions
instead
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalties
, such as; encouraging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
to not drive while they
are drunk
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
propaganda,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
accidents was
still
high. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
have
been developed
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long time,
hence
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is like a disease without a cure.

Finally
, when there are no hopes with the alternative solutions, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
need the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalties
to remind them of taking more responsibility when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
213 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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