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Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others believe that children learn teamwork. discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others believe that children learn teamwork. 2
There is no doubt that playing sports establishes great virtues in each player. Therefore, it has been contemplated by a number of individuals that the lesson of competitiveness can be taught from a game, whereas others think that sport enthusiasts may learn a lot about team performance. In this essay, I will explore my views with pertinent examples and I tend to agree with former statement. First and foremost, a person may accomplish not only achievements, but also trustworthy players by learning collaboration in sports. That is to clarify, overall performance of every team depends on how young players support each other in reality and later on, this leads them to excel as a whole unit. For example, if any kid tries to play alone, it would not be simple to generate an amazing output without any proponents in the team. Furthermore, sometimes children might be victimised for not playing along with the team. On the other hand, sportsmanship touts about creating leadership, which gives an extra edge for every aspiring footballer, cricketer, and so forth. This is because the nature of competition plays a vital role in everyone's growth. For instance, if any game changer does not know the significance to compete against rivals, the inner motivation and determination would not arrive and she/he would be defeated. As a consequence, while the competitors can accelerate by two or three times, the naive player might stay in the same position for years. To sum up, despite the importance of teamwork, children should keep learning about how to lead and compete against other team members for better achievements. In my opinion, I would also highlight on the former opinion that any game sharpens our gritty and competitive mindset more.
There is no doubt that playing sports establishes great virtues in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
.
Therefore
, it has
been contemplated
by a number of individuals that the lesson of competitiveness can
be taught
from a game, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that sport enthusiasts may learn a lot about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
performance. In this essay, I will explore my views with pertinent examples and I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with former statement.

First
and foremost, a person may accomplish not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
achievements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
trustworthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
by learning collaboration in sports.
That is
to clarify,
overall
performance of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
depends on how young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
support each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in reality and later on, this leads them to excel as a whole unit.
For example
, if any kid tries to play alone, it would not be simple to generate an amazing output without any proponents in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
children might be
Possible spelling mistake. 'victimised' is British English.
victimised
for not playing along with the team.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, sportsmanship touts about creating leadership, which gives an extra edge for every aspiring footballer, cricketer, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the nature of competition plays a vital role in everyone's growth.
For instance
, if any game changer does not know the significance to compete against rivals, the inner motivation and determination would not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
arrive and
she/he would
be defeated
. As a consequence, while the competitors can accelerate by two or three times, the naive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
might stay in the same position for years.

To sum up, despite the importance of teamwork, children should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
learning about how to lead and compete against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
members for better achievements. In my opinion, I would
also
highlight on the former opinion that any game sharpens our gritty and competitive mindset more.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others believe that children learn teamwork. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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