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Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

Nowadays, youngsters are becoming less active than in the past, which has many reasons such as TV, online games or even reading that are a passive leisure time activity. Furthermore I agree that schools can help them to become fit and healthy by involving children in sports curriculum. This essay will discuss the role that school can play in students' healthy lifestyle. Some people believe that school is a place that prepare children for exam or get them ready for taking place on university, but these people must consider that the mental health come by the physical one, therefore it is necessary for young people to have sports program, in addition some parents because of the fear of the environments safety or the because live in the apartment they can not allow their kids to play outdoor, but the school is a safe place for children to work out and learning new kind of sports. Although the healthy brain needs a healthy body, there is another reason that schools should engage students in sports. The second reason is that doing exercise releases endorphins, these hormones makes the body feel happy and satisfied, so when schools attend to settle sports in the school program children can understand the lecture keenly and concentrate, that means the teacher would get the better results from their teaching program. To sum up, school has a critical role in youth lifestyle by involving them in work out and making them more energetic, that also helps the schools to get better results in the educational system. Words=259
Nowadays, youngsters are becoming less active than in the past, which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons such as TV, online games or even reading that are a passive leisure time activity.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become fit and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
by involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
curriculum. This essay will discuss the role that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can play in students'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a place that prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for exam or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them ready for taking place on university,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider that the mental health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
by the physical one,
therefore
it is necessary for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
program,
in addition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the fear of the environments safety or the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the apartment they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their kids to play outdoor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a safe place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to work out and learning new kind of sports.

Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
brain needs a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body, there is another reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should engage students in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. The second reason is that doing exercise releases endorphins, these hormones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the body feel happy and satisfied,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
attend to settle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
program
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can understand the lecture
keenly
and concentrate, that means the teacher would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the better results from their teaching program.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has a critical role in youth lifestyle by involving them in work out and making them more energetic, that
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better results in the educational system.

Words=259
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Amy Chua

IELTS essay Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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