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Some people think that computer games are bad for children, while others believe that they are useful. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of computer games and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that computer games are bad for children, while others believe that they are useful. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of computer games and give your own opinion. v. 1
Some would argue that online games are not good for kids. While, other consider that they can be beneficial. Although, video games are benefits young people, but I believe that children adopt this kind of lazy lifestyle and ignore physical activities does deteriorate health. The main advantages of playing online games for young person, they can develop their language skills in an authenticate context. This may lead to the development of second language which can benefit in near future. For example, while playing online games a young child can chat to American or British teammates in games. It is a kind of the language learning process in an enjoyable way, games such as PUBG or WarCraft. Despite of, getting fluent in language, I believe, video games a addictive and it is hard for kids to get into other activities and when it comes to exercising they ignore and adopt a lazy lifestyle. However, there are disadvantages to playing computer games, generally kids get addicted to these games and less involvement in physical activities. As these games are designed so well that on completion of each task participant wins points, this winning kicks on every stage in games releases dopamine in the brain thus a satisfaction for kids to get more such pleasure, eventually they get addicted to such video games and completely ignore exercising, thus gaining diseases such in diabetics and heart attacks in the future. For example, recently a survey on addictive video games people conducted by Oxford university found that the life span of these people is very short due to less physical activities and chances suffering of heart diseases is in these people. To conclude, though video games are helpful to learn languages. However, I believe that physical activities do wonders in a person’s life fighting against diseases through willpower.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, other consider that they can be beneficial. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are benefits young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that children adopt this kind of lazy lifestyle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
does deteriorate health.

The main advantages of playing online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for young person, they can develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
After 'an', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'authenticate' is correct. If 'authenticate' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
an authenticate
context. This may lead to the development of second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
which can benefit in near future.
For example
, while playing online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
a young child can chat to American or British teammates in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. It is a kind of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
learning process
Consider replacing "in an enjoyable way" with the adverb for "enjoyable"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an enjoyable way
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as PUBG or WarCraft.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
, getting fluent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, I believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
addictive and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to exercising they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
and adopt a lazy lifestyle.

However
, there are disadvantages to playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and less involvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. As these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are designed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
well that on completion of each task participant wins points, this winning kicks on every stage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
releases dopamine in the brain
thus
a satisfaction for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more such pleasure,
eventually
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
exercising,
thus
gaining diseases such in diabetics and heart attacks in the future.
For example
, recently a survey on addictive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
conducted by Oxford university found that the life span of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short due to less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and chances
The usual preposition for this expression is "from" or "with." Did you mean "suffering from" or "suffering with"?
suffering of
heart diseases is in these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are helpful to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
do wonders in a person’s life fighting against diseases through willpower.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that computer games are bad for children, while others believe that they are useful. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of computer games and give your own opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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