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Essay topics: TPO-08 - Independent Writing Task Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.2

Essay topics: TPO-08 - Independent Writing Task Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2
The idea of television advertising aimed at young children is immoral and harmful therefore, I completely and unquestionably agree that such advertisement ought not to be allowed. The reasons on which my prospect is based will be discussed in details below. First of all, this is an amoral idea to direct commercials at children under age of five because this category of viewers is vulnerable and fragile by their nature. Although this kind of ads may be efficient, because it aimed at unformed and unprotected minds it must be forbidden. Probably the best explanation may be found at psychological researches of children' s development. Studies which were carried out in 1950s demonstrated that young children accept all information as a complete truth without any questions, in other words, any information inserted at this age will be perceived as reality. It is not difficult to imagine what damage television advertisement may do to a child' s mind; therefore it is an amoral practice. Secondly, as it was said above the discussed type of ads may be harmful for children who watch it. In fact, a perception of the reality by a child and by an adult is quite different. Thus, the ads for children ought to be created with the respect to this difference. Such a television ad will be bizarre for a parent and interesting for the child probably it will depict some colorful, moving images which would be changed rapidly but this is a question how it will influence on his or her psyche? How will the commercial affect children' s desires, inclinations? or may it cause seizures like some Japanese cartoons did? Those are open questions on which we do not know concrete answers. Therefore as a parent I would like not to allow it. Finally, such commercials may lead to conflicts in families. Imagine that the ad is working well, in this case a child may cry loudly till he or she does not get promoted item. This item might be expensive or even dangerous for the child but it is merely impossible to explain it to the one. Moreover, there can be direct and indirect reasons for conflicts between parents as well. For instance, a young child demands an advertised toy, but parents may have quite a distinct prospect on the usefulness of it. If this conflict is accompanied with baby' s cry, parents may easily start a fight. To wrap up, as a father I definitely see several grave negative consequences of advertisement which is aimed at young children. Thus, it should not be allowed.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of television advertising aimed at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is immoral and harmful
therefore
, I completely and
unquestionably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that such advertisement ought not to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
. The reasons on which my prospect
is based
will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
below.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, this is an amoral
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to direct commercials at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under age of five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this category of viewers is vulnerable and fragile by their nature. Although this kind of ads may be efficient,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it aimed at unformed and unprotected minds it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be forbidden
.
Probably
the best explanation may
be found
at psychological researches of
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s development. Studies which
were carried
out
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1950s".
in 1950s
demonstrated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
accept all information as a complete truth without any questions,
in other words
, any information inserted at this age will
be perceived
as reality. It is not difficult to imagine what damage television advertisement may do to a
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s mind;
therefore
it is an amoral practice.

Secondly
, as it
was said
above the discussed type of ads may be harmful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
it. In fact, a perception of the reality by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and by an adult is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
Thus
, the ads for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to
be created
with the respect to this difference. Such a television ad will be bizarre for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and interesting for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
probably
it will depict
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
colorful, moving images which would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
rapidly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is a question how it will influence on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
psyche? How will the commercial affect
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s desires, inclinations?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
or
may it cause seizures like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Japanese cartoons did? Those are open questions on which we do not know concrete answers.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
I would like not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
it.

Finally
, such commercials may lead to conflicts in families. Imagine that the ad is working well,
in this case
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
may cry
loudly
till he or she does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promoted item. This item might be expensive or even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
merely
impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it to the one.
Moreover
, there can be direct and indirect reasons for conflicts between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as well
.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
demands an advertised toy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may have quite a distinct prospect on the usefulness of it. If this conflict is
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompanied by".
accompanied with
Possible spelling mistake found.
baby&
#039; s cry,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a fight.

To wrap up, as a father I definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
several grave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of advertisement which
is aimed
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Thus
, it should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Essay topics: TPO-08 - Independent Writing Task Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
430 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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