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23. 09. 2017Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

23. 09. 2017Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 1
Many aver that only leisure activities that are educational in their nature are useful for progeny and thus spare time should be devoted to them. I do not agree with the prospect and below the reasons on which my stance is based will be discussed in details. On the one hand, spending kids’ leisure time on educational activities brings a lot of fruits. Firstly, there are formative years from two to twelve when children’s brains and personalities are being shaped and studying, unearthing knowledge has advantageous impact on the development. Thus, the more they study via different activities the better. Secondly, the volume of information that must be absorbed by young individuals is immense and exploiting free time for learning the data as much as possible would allow them to achieve better academic at school and even college. In other words, implementation of the policy will have a great beneficial effect on kids school performance and overall development. On the other hand, performing such leisure activities as chatting with pals, playing video games, watching popular movies and cartoons are important for children as well. Primarily, early age is very momentous period in life of any human bring during which not only brain structures are being developed but crucial social skills are being formed and mores of society are accepted. All of that should be acquired through interacting with other kids, adults and the environment. Additionally, a child is not an automaton that may endlessly perform an activity. In fact, offspring need have enough rest from studying and psychologists decisively demonstrated that entertainment such as playing computer or board games allow children to switch their attention on new activity and restore their ability to absorb new data. Thus, leisure activities that are not educational are useful as well. To sum up, a point of view that descendants’ spare-time activities have to educate children and non-educational practices are useless appears to be incorrect due to benefits got by youngsters via performing the former ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
aver that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that are educational in their nature are useful for progeny and
thus
spare time should
be devoted
to them. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the prospect and below the reasons on which my stance
is based
will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

On the one hand, spending kids’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
time on educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fruits.
Firstly
, there are formative years from two to twelve when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
brains and personalities are
being shaped
and studying, unearthing knowledge has advantageous impact on the development.
Thus
, the more they study via
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
the better.
Secondly
, the volume of information that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be absorbed
by young individuals is immense and exploiting free time for learning the data as much as possible would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to achieve better academic at school and even college.
In other words
, implementation of the policy will have a great beneficial effect on kids school performance and
overall
development.

On the other hand
, performing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as chatting with pals, playing video games, watching popular movies and cartoons are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
.
Primarily
, early age is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
momentous period in life of any human bring during which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brain structures are
being developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
crucial social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
being formed
and mores of society are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
. All of that should
be acquired
through interacting with other kids, adults and the environment.
Additionally
, a child is not an automaton that may
endlessly
perform an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. In fact, offspring need have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
rest from studying and psychologists
decisively
demonstrated that entertainment such as playing computer or board games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to switch their attention on new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and restore their ability to absorb new data.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that are not educational are useful
as well
.

To sum up, a point of view that descendants’ spare-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and non-educational practices are useless appears to be incorrect due to benefits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
by youngsters via performing the former ones.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay 23. 09. 2017Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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