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Some people think that sport has an important role in society Others think it is only a leisure activity for some people Discuss both views and give your opinions v.2

Some people think that sport has an important role in society Others think it is only a leisure activity for some people 2
People have different views about the role of sport in both. While some people opine that the society can reap a lot of considerable benefits if the locals do a workout routinely, I hold a conviction that it is merely a leisure activity for humanity. On the one hand, there are several main reasons why sport plays a pivotal role in society. Primarily, it can contribute to create a healthy populace, getting rid of a sedentary lifestyle. This is because doing exercise is one of the most effective ways, which help people to relieve stresses and tensions, minimizing the risk of suffering from many disorders. For example, nowadays, the number of obesity and stroke dwindled significantly throughout the world because of sports implementation. On the other hand, I side with those who believe that sport is nothing more than an activity that individuals do in their free time. Firstly, not everyone is endowed with innate talents to become a professional and make a living directly from this kind of pastime activity. Take football, the King of sports, as a convincing example. Although millions of people all over the world take up playing soccer as an amateur athletics, there are merely several people having a superb athleticism to become the football legends, such as Lionel Messi or Ronaldinho. In addition, many parents deem playing sports to be a way to strengthen the sense of community with those around them. Especially, spouses often encourage their offspring to play with other children in their neighborhood so that they can have more time to finish the household chores as well as engage with their work. For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that although sports have beneficial effects on society, it is merely a kind of spare time activity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in both. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that the society can reap
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
considerable benefits if the locals do a workout
routinely
, I hold a conviction that it is
merely
a leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for humanity.

On the one hand, there are several main reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
plays a pivotal role in society.
Primarily
, it can contribute to create a healthy populace, getting rid of a sedentary lifestyle. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
doing exercise is one of the most effective ways, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
and tensions, minimizing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disorders.
For example
, nowadays, the number of obesity and stroke dwindled
significantly
throughout the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
implementation.

On the other hand
, I side with those who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is nothing more than an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that individuals do in their free time.
Firstly
, not everyone
is endowed
with innate talents to become a professional and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living
directly
from this kind of pastime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. Take football, the King of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, as a convincing example. Although millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world take up playing soccer as an amateur athletics, there are
merely
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having a superb athleticism to become the football legends, such as Lionel Messi or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ronaldinho
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents deem playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to be a way to strengthen the sense of community with those around them.
Especially
, spouses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
encourage their offspring to play with other children in their neighborhood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can have more time to finish the household chores
as well
as engage with their work.

For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have beneficial effects on society, it is
merely
a kind of spare time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that sport has an important role in society Others think it is only a leisure activity for some people 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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