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Advertisements bring many negative effects on people and the society. What are these effects? How to solve this problem? v.2

Advertisements bring many negative effects on people and the society. What are these effects? How to solve this problem? v. 2
It is true that advertising is deemed to be a key part of modern business, and it is a form of state-of-the-art promotion campaign in every commercial company. Although advertisements can give rise to some adverse effects on both individuals and the society; however, I hold a conviction that the society can take steps to mitigate these potential problems. There are some negative effects that advertisements give rise to customers. Firstly, commercials may arouse customers desire to purchase merchandises regardless of whether they actually need them or not. To be precise, some commercial break with catchy jingles or snappy slogans make people intrigued and feel inadequate if they do not have this product. For example, children are often the target market because they are particularly susceptible to these kinds of risk. As a result, this put pressure on parents to buy them things. Moreover, too many advertisements cause confusion on their own decisions. In many cases, advertising companies manipulate people by overstating or even misrepresent their products. Gradually, they feel deeply cynical and skeptical about every product in the market, resulting misconception about good products. There are several actions that the government could take to solve the problems described above. Firstly, the administration should impose stringent laws on advertisements broadcasted on the TV or social media. For example, unhealthy foods or cigarettes, which are detrimental to the society in general and viewers in particular, can be censored or even banned. In addition, social organizations should provide free lessons about basic life skills, including buying skills can raise public perception of advertising industry so that the locals can more sensible and become wise customers. By doing this, customers can deter themselves from squandering on bad commodities. In conclusion, various measures can be taken to tackle the problems arising from the advertising industry.
It is true that advertising
is deemed
to be a key part of modern business, and it is a form of state-of-the-art promotion campaign in every commercial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can give rise to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse effects on both individuals and the society;
however
, I hold a conviction that the society can take steps to mitigate these potential problems.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
give rise to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
.
Firstly
, commercials may arouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
merchandises regardless of whether they actually need them or not. To be precise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
commercial break with catchy jingles or snappy slogans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
intrigued and feel inadequate if they do not have this product.
For example
, children are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the target market
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
particularly
susceptible to these kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
As a result
, this put pressure on parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them things.
Moreover
, too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
cause confusion on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
manipulate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by overstating or even misrepresent their products.
Gradually
, they feel
deeply
cynical and skeptical about every product in the market, resulting misconception about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
products.

There are several actions that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could take to solve the problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above.
Firstly
, the administration should impose stringent laws on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
broadcasted on the TV or social media.
For example
, unhealthy foods or cigarettes, which are detrimental to the society
in general
and viewers
in particular
, can
be censored
or even banned.
In addition
, social organizations should provide free lessons about basic life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, including buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can raise public perception of advertising industry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the locals can more sensible and become wise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
. By doing this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
can deter themselves from squandering on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
commodities.

In conclusion
, various measures can
be taken
to tackle the problems arising from the advertising industry.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Advertisements bring many negative effects on people and the society. What are these effects? How to solve this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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