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Early technological developments brought more benefits and changes to people’s life than the recent technological developments. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Early technological developments brought more benefits and changes to people’s life than the recent technological developments. v. 2
transformed the whole world. While some people opine that early technological developments have far more beneficial effects on people’s life than the recent ones, I completely disagree with this point of view, because both of those have equal significant impact on our lives. On the one hand, many early technological devices helped people and changed the way we live. The invention of printing, for example, had a profound impact on the way we impart knowledge to the next generation. The printing press allowed books and newsletters to be mass-produced, which meant that more individuals can gain access to these information sources. The telephone was another early scientific breakthrough that revolutionized and facilitated current methods of communication. From this, people to interact with each other in a far-flung place regardless of the geographical barrier. Finally, techno…led to new forms of transport, such as cars, trains and planes, which have completely … and trade goods. On the other hand, I contend that recently cutting-edge technology also ushers merits to our life. Firstly, the presence of computer and the Internet enables individuals to shop online a wide range of applications, which makes human life definitely more convenient. With only a click of the mouse, it is possible to purchase merchandise such as clothes and daily necessities without even leaving our comfortable home. In addition, as to space technology, the advent of space shuttles assists astronauts in carrying out space exploration programmes, which can broaden human’s horizons about not only terrestrial planets but also extraterrestrial lives on earth, such as supernovas or black holes. In conclusion, while people can reap a variety of powerful effects from the early technological advancements, I do not believe that they can totally outweigh the recent ones.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
transformed
the whole world. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
technological developments have far more beneficial effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life than the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, I completely disagree with this point of view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both of those have equal significant impact on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
technological devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. The invention of printing,
for example
, had a profound impact on the way we impart knowledge to the
next
generation. The printing press
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
books and newsletters to be mass-produced, which meant that more individuals can gain access to these information sources.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
telephone was another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
scientific breakthrough that revolutionized and facilitated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
methods of communication. From this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact with each other in a far-flung place regardless of the geographical barrier.
Finally
, techno…led to new forms of transport, such as cars, trains and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
, which have completely … and trade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.

On the other hand
, I contend that recently cutting-edge technology
also
ushers merits to our life.
Firstly
, the presence of computer and the Internet enables individuals to shop online a wide range of applications, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
human life definitely more convenient. With
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a click of the mouse, it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
merchandise such as clothes and daily necessities without even leaving our comfortable home.
In addition
, as to space technology, the advent of space shuttles assists astronauts in carrying out space exploration
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, which can broaden
Possible typo. Did you mean: "human horizons"?
human’s horizons
about not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
terrestrial planets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
extraterrestrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on earth, such as supernovas or black holes.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can reap a variety of powerful effects from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
technological advancements, I do not believe that they can
totally
outweigh the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Early technological developments brought more benefits and changes to people’s life than the recent technological developments. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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