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Computer technologies are more accessible and cheaper, as the result, more adults’ work at home and children study at home. Is this a positive or negative development? v.2

Computer technologies are more accessible and cheaper, as the result, more adults’ work at home and children study at home. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2
It is true that computer technologies are more accessible and cheaper, which has created a virtual world that is transforming human life profoundly. By virtue of this trend, more and more people are inclined to choose home-working or home-schooling. I hold a conviction that it is a both positive and negative phenomenon. On the one hand, people can reap several benefits from this trend. One of the most obvious advantages of this development is greater flexibility. By working remotely, employees can start their working days after they finish household chores or childcare responsibilities, rather than ticking to a fixed timetable. Students can work at their own pace, since online courses spare them the trouble of struggling to keep up with teachers in classes. Moreover, the advent of computers can enhance the availability of employment and education regardless of geographical barrier. Home-working enables employers to recruit people living in a long distance or even disable workers, thus making job opportunities more accessible to individuals. Similarly, for students who live in a far-flung place or those with physical handicaps, online learning is an appropriate choice. On the other hand, it should be noted that this trend might give rise to some potential problems. Employers many have to face difficulties in monitoring and evaluating employee’s performance, if a company is largely dominated by a flexible work mode. Likewise, distance-learning many lead to the possibility that some young students who lack self-discipline would be affected by violence and pornography on the Internet. Even more, this trend can result in the lack of close-knit community, because children and employees just stay at home without partaking or interacting with other people. In conclusion, although technological advancements, especially computers, contribute to a forward-looking home-working and home-schooling, we still need to notice their hidden threats and take advantage this trend in moderation.
It is true that computer technologies are more accessible and cheaper, which has created a virtual world
that is
transforming human life
profoundly
. By virtue of this
trend
, more and more
people
are inclined
to choose home-working or home-schooling. I hold a conviction that it is a both
positive
and
negative
phenomenon.

On the one hand,
people
can reap several benefits from this
trend
. One of the most obvious advantages of this development is greater flexibility. By working
remotely
, employees can
start
their working days after they finish household chores or childcare responsibilities,
rather
than ticking to a
fixed
timetable. Students can work at their
own
pace, since online courses spare them the trouble of struggling to
keep
up with teachers in classes.
Moreover
, the advent of computers can enhance the availability of employment and education regardless of geographical barrier. Home-working enables employers to recruit
people
living in a long distance or even disable workers,
thus
making job opportunities more accessible to individuals.

Similarly
, for students who
live
in a far-flung place or those with physical handicaps, online learning is an appropriate choice.

On the other hand
, it should
be noted
that this
trend
might give rise to
some
potential problems. Employers
many
have to
face difficulties in monitoring and evaluating employee’s performance, if a
company
is
largely
dominated by a flexible work mode.
Likewise
, distance-learning
many lead
to the possibility that
some
young students who lack self-discipline would be
affected
by violence and pornography on the Internet. Even more, this
trend
can result in the lack of close-knit community,
because
children and employees
just
stay at home without partaking or interacting with other
people
.

In conclusion
, although technological advancements,
especially
computers, contribute to a forward-looking home-working and home-schooling, we
still
need to notice their hidden threats and take advantage this
trend
in moderation.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Computer technologies are more accessible and cheaper, as the result, more adults’ work at home and children study at home. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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