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Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and personal calls at any time or 7 days a week. Is this development positive or negative for both individuals and society? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.3

Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and personal calls at any time or 7 days a week. Is this development positive or negative for both individuals and society? v. 3
It is true that the prevalence of advanced technologies, especially the advent of cell phones, has transformed human life profoundly. Nowadays, while many people are inclined to take advantage of telephones to reply work or make personal phone calls day around, I hold a conviction that it is a both positive and negative trend. On the one hand, people can reap several considerable benefits from this phenomenon. As to humanity, with the help of this handset device people can and interact with their beloved in a far-flung place regardless of the geographical barrier. By doing this, individuals can strengthen their relationship with acquaintances or relatives as well as contribute to creating a close-knit community in the virtual world. In addition, cell phones enable people to boost their productivity, especially in case some pop-up problems arise when they are not in the workplace. Smart phone can check the email or do video conferencing so that they can deal with these troubles instantaneously. Finally, telcos in particular and the society in general can make huge profit from the charges users pay for 3G services or telecommunication services. On the other hand, there are still some potential drawbacks when human beings increase their dependence on telephones day around. Firstly, the overuse of cell phones to give other people a ring give rise to the lack of social relations. For example, instead of making an appointment and meet friends or clients in person, using telephones makes people loose the chance to form a strong bond in their relationships. Moreover, considering medical issues, that people make their eye glued to this technological gadget all day can give rise to hidden damage to human’s health, such as tumor growth, attention disorder or short-sightedness, by virtue of its radio-frequency radiation emission. In conclusion, although telephones cause some problems to users, it seems to be that the benefits of these technical gadgets are still undeniable.
It is true that the prevalence of advanced technologies,
especially
the advent of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, has transformed human life
profoundly
. Nowadays, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are inclined
to take advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
to reply work or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
calls day around, I hold a conviction that it is a both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can reap several considerable benefits from this phenomenon. As to humanity, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of this handset device
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can and interact with their beloved in a far-flung place regardless of the geographical barrier. By doing this, individuals can strengthen their relationship with acquaintances or relatives
as well
as contribute to creating a close-knit community in the virtual world.
In addition
, cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to boost their productivity,
especially
in case
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pop-up problems arise when they are not in the workplace. Smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the email or do video conferencing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can deal with these troubles
instantaneously
.
Finally
, telcos
in particular
and the society
in general
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
huge profit from the charges users pay for 3G services or telecommunication services.

On the other hand
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential drawbacks when human beings increase their dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
day around.
Firstly
, the overuse of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to give other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a ring give rise to the lack of social relations.
For example
,
instead
of making an appointment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
friends or clients in person, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
loose the chance to form a strong bond in their relationships.
Moreover
, considering medical issues, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their eye glued to this technological gadget all day can give rise to hidden damage to human’s health, such as tumor growth, attention disorder or
Possible spelling mistake found.
short-sightedness
, by virtue of its radio-frequency radiation emission.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems to users, it seems to be that the benefits of these technical gadgets are
still
undeniable.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and personal calls at any time or 7 days a week. Is this development positive or negative for both individuals and society? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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