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Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however, feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words. v.4

Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however, feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. v. 4
Sports keeps our body fit and healthy. Many people think that sports play a significant role in our society; however, others say it is a leisure activity that entertains people. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in details and provide evidence as to why importance of sports can not be ignored. First of all, it is an undeniable fact that there are some reasons why sports is essential to the society. One of the reasons is that people can become healthier than ever before. By playing sports frequently, people can release toxic elements from off their body in order to help the government to save money which is allocated for health insurance's residents. For example, the number of obesity and heart attack, today, has decreased significantly throughout the world because of sports implementation. Another reason is that young generations are able to cultivate a good habit. With the rapid advancement of technology, they tend to do sedentary activities such as playing computer games and chatting through social media as well. If parents encourage their children to do sport instead of playing games at home, children can improve their social interaction with peers. However, there are opposing arguments saying that sport is nothing more than a leisure activity. It is true that sport can be counted as a leisure activity because not everyone has the abilities and potentials to become professional sports players. Therefore, people generally consider it as a simple activity for relaxing their mind and body during holidays. Apart from this, many families see sport as the way to strengthen the sense of belonging to the relatives, especially for children because parents' time is spent more to do job tasks and put less care on them. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that although sports is an activity for some people, but its importance cannot be neglected in our society. So, we should play sports in order to make our nation healthy and free from diseases.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
our body fit and healthy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
play a significant role in our society;
however
, others say it is a leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that entertains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and provide evidence as to why importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is an undeniable fact that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is essential to the society. One of the reasons is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can become healthier than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. By playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
frequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can release toxic elements from off their body in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to save money which
is allocated
for health insurance's residents.
For example
, the number of obesity and heart attack,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, has decreased
significantly
throughout the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
implementation.

Another reason is that young generations are able to cultivate a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habit. With the rapid advancement of technology, they tend to do sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as playing computer games and chatting through social media
as well
. If parents encourage their children to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
instead
of playing games at home, children can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social interaction with peers.
However
, there are opposing arguments saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is nothing more than a leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can
be counted
as a leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not everyone has the abilities and potentials to become professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
consider it as a simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for relaxing their mind and body during holidays. Apart from this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as the way to strengthen the sense of belonging to the relatives,
especially
for children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
parents' time
is spent
more to do job tasks and put less care on them.

To put it in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its importance cannot
be neglected
in our society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we should play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our nation healthy and free from diseases.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however, feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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