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Early technological developments brought more benefits and changes to people’s life than the recent technological developments. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Early technological developments brought more benefits and changes to people’s life than the recent technological developments. v. 1
In our modern society, a lot of people seem to lead a stressful life. However, while some people believe that accepting the imperfection in life is crucial, I strongly believe that we should try to make our lives better. On the one hand, it can be argued that there is no perfect life for most people. The more people have, the more people tend to want more. We never actually be satisfied with what we have now. Moreover, some feel that being generous and accept the life is more important than combatting to change the life, because there are many things in society that we cannot improve. Politics, for example, are not our control and it is almost impossible to change the society. On the other hand, I side with those who think that we should always try to change the situation if we are not satisfied with it. Quality of life and happiness are, in my view, the most important matters to have a quality life, so living with full of unsatisfactoriness can ruin peoples' lives. Additionally, we can always make efforts to make things better. Salaries, for instance, can be increased by negotiating with your boss or changing your job. In short, although some believe that the perfection never exists, we can at least endeavour to improve the situation by making efforts. Therefore, on balance, I wholeheartedly believe that it is way better to try and develop the situations.
In our modern society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seem to lead a stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that accepting the imperfection in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is crucial, I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that we should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
better.

On the one hand, it can
be argued
that there is no perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to want more. We never actually
be satisfied
with what we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feel that being generous and accept the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
combatting
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things in society that we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. Politics,
for example
, are not our control and it is almost impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the society.

On the other hand
, I side with those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we should always try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the situation if we are not satisfied with it. Quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and happiness are, in my view, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
matters to have a quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
living with full of
Possible spelling mistake found.
unsatisfactoriness
can ruin peoples'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Additionally
, we can always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
things better. Salaries,
for instance
, can
be increased
by negotiating with your boss or changing your job.

In short, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the perfection never exists, we can at least
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation by making efforts.
Therefore
, on balance, I
wholeheartedly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is way better to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
develop the situations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Early technological developments brought more benefits and changes to people’s life than the recent technological developments. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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