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Art considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate and turn their focus to science and technology. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the art? v.2

Art is the vital portion of all culture in the world. Nowadays, people lose their interest on art and show keen on science, technology, and business related subjects due to the job scarcity on this field and this problem can be solved by providing more budget on arts. To begin with, job scarcity is the crucial problem for losing interest on arts related subjects. People wants to secure their future by gaining a degree from university or college on a particular subject that create value in the field of job market. But there is no such job in arts related subject that’s why students turn themselves to subject that assure them to get job in future. For example, in our country there is a department called Arts & Cultural Development Department, which run by our government but in this department, there is no job position for arts students and all these positions are occupied by business students. However, this problem can be solved by investing more on art and can only be done by the government. There are few steps that the government can take, such as provide scholarship for art students, increase quota for art students in different public job sectors, and giving priority during candidate selection etc. For example, in the year of 2014 in India, there were huge job problem for arts students and for that reason students denied to admit art related subject at University. To overcome this problem, Indian government start a scheme that include full scholarship along with the job after completing degree on arts. In conclusion, although art has a great impact on our culture, people drive away from this subject due to the uncertain future and the government can solve this problem by investing more on this.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is the vital portion of all culture in the world. Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lose their interest on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
keen on science, technology, and business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
scarcity on this field and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can
be solved
by providing more budget on arts.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
scarcity is the crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for losing interest on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
wants
to secure their future by gaining a degree from university or college on a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that create value in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there is no such
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job
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that’s why
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students
turn themselves to
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subject
that assure them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
The phrase ‘in future’ is British English. Did you mean: “in the future”?
in future
.
For example
, in our country there is a department called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
& Cultural Development Department, which run by our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in this department, there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and all these positions
are occupied
by business students.

However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can
be solved
by investing more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be done
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. There are few steps that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can take, such as provide scholarship for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, increase quota for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
sectors, and giving priority during candidate selection etc.
For example
, in the year of 2014 in India, there were huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and for that reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
The verb ‘denied’ is used with the gerund form: “denied admitting”.
denied to admit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
at University. To overcome this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a scheme that include full scholarship along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after completing degree on arts.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has a great impact on our culture,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
drive away from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
due to the uncertain future and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
by investing more on this.
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IELTS essay Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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