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Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources while others thinks that it is essential for mankind to continue to explore the universe in which we live. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources while others thinks that it is essential for mankind to continue to explore the universe in which we live. v. 1
Space expedition is necessary or not. This debate started a long time ago. Some might think it's just a waste of tax payers money, however, there are some who think otherwise. Let us discuss certain points first to draw any conclusion. Firstly, we need to discuss about if it is really vital for us. We do not even know about the globe Earth fully. We are living here for almost billion of years. There are reports that suggest that there are life forms deep in the oceans, which are not yet discovered. There are some many places where men have not yet reached. Before exploring outside of this globe first we need to address the issue at hand. There are so many diseases to which there is no cure. Scientists should use taxpayers money for solving these kind of issues. Secondly, space research is also important as it answers the question regarding our place in this universe. Earlier, we believed that the Earth is flat, but now we know that it is circular in shape. Now we know that the universe is so bigger than us. Due to space analysis now we can see that how small we are. Also, as we are exploiting all our natural resources, it is the need of the hour to find another sphere like this where we can shift in time to save us from any future calamity. NASA has sent a rover on Mars to find out any chances of survival of humans on the unexplored sphere. To conclude, I would say that there is still an ambiguity regarding the topic. There is so much to find out, whether on Earth or outside. However, we cannot limit ourselves to one study. We must explore all the possibilities. As space inspection tells us that the universe is so much bigger and we might not be alone. On the other side, there are so many species or places or even diseases which we are not aware about. So we must continue our travel on both ends and see what the future holds for us.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Space
expedition is necessary or not. This debate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a long time ago.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of tax payers money,
however
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us discuss certain points
first
to draw any conclusion.

Firstly
, we need to
Did you mean simply "discuss if"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about if
it is
really
vital for us. We do not even know about the globe Earth
fully
. We are living here for almost billion of years. There are reports that suggest that there are life forms deep in the oceans, which are not
yet
discovered. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
have not
yet
reached.
“Before” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Before
exploring
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
this globe
first
we need to address the issue at hand. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases to which there is no cure. Scientists should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
taxpayers money for solving
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of issues.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
research is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as it answers the question regarding our place in this universe. Earlier, we believed that the Earth is flat,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we know that it is
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
circular in shape
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
we know that the universe is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
bigger than us. Due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
analysis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
we are.
Also
, as we are exploiting all our natural resources, it is the need of the hour to find another sphere like this where we can shift in time to save us from any future calamity. NASA has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
a rover on Mars to find out any chances of survival of humans on the unexplored sphere.

To conclude
, I would say that there is
still
an ambiguity regarding the topic. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much to find out, whether on Earth or outside.
However
, we cannot limit ourselves to one study. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
explore all the possibilities. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
inspection
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
us that the universe is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bigger and
we might not be alone. On the other side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species or places or even diseases which we are not aware about.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
continue our travel on both ends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what the future holds for us.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources while others thinks that it is essential for mankind to continue to explore the universe in which we live. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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