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Art considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate and turn their focus to science and technology. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the art? v.1

Art considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate and turn their focus to science and technology. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the art? v. 1
It is a famous saying that art and culture are the face of any nation. However, from the last few decades, conventional means of art such as painting and sculpture making are dying down. It is often said, this is because of people are taking more interest in other fields. In this essay, I shall argue the reason behind this decline and will provide solutions, how we can attract more and more people to embrace this. With the passage of time living style of people has been changed. If I compare today’s young man with a person of half a century ago. It is obvious, that the people of that time were not ambitious with their professional careers. For instance, a family can live their life on the earning of a small piece of land which provides their all day to day necessities, which allow them to spend some free time with their hobby. In-addition to that, however, other fields are more institutionalized now, this is exemplified by a career of doctor or engineer which has clear cut path from start to end with expected earnings on different stages. Therefore people are more inclined to spend time with, which can be their profession down the line. Despite these problems, it is possible to attract people to take an interest in art of their liking. Government can play a role of guardian for the artist and provide funds. Authorities can inaugurate institutions across the country and allow students to flourish in their careers. For Instance, Pakistan has open an academy NAPA in Karachi for new performer who wanted to learn the skills and it has provided us some fabulous actress. Additionally, government care sponsor activities, such as art galleries in at least major cities where young painters can exhibit their talent, this will definitely create passion in children who will visit this place. In conclusion, although art is very important to depict the culture of any nation, but it requires someone who must nurture this area. By focusing on this and providing right facility by government to upcoming artists we can definitely achieve the highs.
It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and culture are the face of any nation.
However
, from the last few decades, conventional means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
such as painting and sculpture making are dying down. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are taking more interest in other fields. In this essay, I shall argue the reason behind this decline and will provide solutions, how we can attract more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to embrace this.

With the passage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
living style of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
I compare
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
with a person of half a century ago. It is obvious, that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
were not ambitious with their professional careers.
For instance
, a family can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life on the earning of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
piece of land which provides their all day to day necessities, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their hobby. In-addition to that,
however
, other fields are more institutionalized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, this
is exemplified
by a career of doctor or engineer which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
path from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
earnings on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more inclined to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with, which can be their profession down the line.

Despite these problems, it is possible to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take an interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
of their liking.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
can play a role of guardian for the artist and provide funds. Authorities can inaugurate institutions across the country and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
students to flourish in their careers.
For Instance
, Pakistan has open an academy NAPA in Karachi for new performer who wanted to learn the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and it has provided us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fabulous actress.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
care sponsor activities, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries in at least major cities where young painters can exhibit their talent, this will definitely create passion in children who will visit this place.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to depict the culture of any nation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it requires someone who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
nurture this area. By focusing on this and providing right facility by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to upcoming artists we can definitely achieve the highs.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Art considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate and turn their focus to science and technology. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the art? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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