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Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell food or drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell food or drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. v. 1
An often debated topic is whether the sales of unhealthy food and beverages should be banned at shops and stores. Personally, I disagree with this opinion for a number of reasons. Firstly, imposing a ban on selling unhealthy drinks may result in the sales of these products moving to the black market and subsequently a rise in crime figures. There are those who cannot overcome their craving for alcohol, for example, and they will search for any means available to access wine and beer. This reaction can be seen in the illegal trade of heroin in Vietnam. Secondly, making any laws against the public sale of foods that are potentially harmful to health would limit the options that consumers have. For instance, many people opt for fast food instead of cooking meals to save time for work. It would be difficult for them to seek another alternative to their daily meals if shops are prohibited from selling fast food. While this topic is still open to debate, I believe that other measures to improve the level of public health should be considered. The simplest action is that the government should continue campaigns to raise public awareness of healthy choices rather than trying to ban shops from selling unhealthy items. Another remedy is that a higher tax rate can be instituted on foods and beverages that are bad for people’s health. This may increase the price of these products, which may deter people from excessive individual consumption. In conclusion, I do not believe that the government should ban shops from selling unhealthy foods and drinks due to potential problems and the availability of better alternatives mentioned above.
An
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
debated topic is whether the sales of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and beverages should
be banned
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and stores.
Personally
, I disagree with this opinion for a number of reasons.

Firstly
, imposing a ban on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
drinks may result in the sales of these products moving to the black market and
subsequently
a rise in crime figures. There are those who cannot overcome their craving for alcohol,
for example
, and they will search for any means available to access wine and beer. This reaction can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the illegal trade of heroin in Vietnam.

Secondly
, making any laws against the public sale of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that are
potentially
harmful to health would limit the options that consumers have.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opt for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of cooking meals to save time for work. It would be difficult for them to seek another alternative to their daily meals if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are prohibited
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food.

While this topic is
still
open to debate, I believe that other measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the level of public health should
be considered
. The simplest action is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should continue campaigns to raise public awareness of healthy choices
rather
than trying to ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
items. Another remedy is that a higher tax rate can
be instituted
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and beverages that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health. This may increase the price of these products, which may deter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from excessive individual consumption.

In conclusion
, I do not believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and drinks due to potential problems and the availability of better alternatives mentioned above.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell food or drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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