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Scientists agree that people are harming their health by eating too much fat food. Some people think that the solution to this problem is to make people aware of the problems. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Scientists agree that people are harming their health by eating too much fat food. Some people think that the solution to this problem is to make people aware of the problems. Others think education will not work. v. 1
Excessive consumption of fatty foods leads to a lot of health problems. Some people believe that creating awareness about the health consequences of junk food is the solution to this problem. Others, however, feel that other measures are required to tackle this issue. In my opinion, creating awareness is important but that alone will not work. Most people lead a hectic life these days. They do not have the time or energy to cook proper meals. As a result, they subsist on fast food. Many of them are actually aware of the ill effects of fast food; yet they consume it because they prefer convenience to health. Such people will not stop eating junk foods even if the government launches awareness campaigns against such foods. There are also some people who consume fast food because they are ignorant of the consequences of fast food consumption. Awareness campaigns will work best amongst them. As we have seen, in many cases lack of awareness is not the factor that encourages the consumption of fast foods. Therefore other actions are also required to deal with this problem. People who eat fast food in spite of knowing that it is unhealthy may stop eating it if the government makes it unaffordable by increasing taxes on it. Even this measure will not deter wealthy people from consuming fast foods. Perhaps a better solution is to make healthy food more affordable and accessible. The government can perhaps open eateries that serve healthy food at reasonable prices. In Tamil Nadu, for example, there are state funded canteens that serve healthy foods for a nominal price. When healthy options are available conveniently at least some people will give up fast food. To conclude, creating awareness about the harmful effects of fast foods is certainly important but it will not solve the problem. In addition to creating awareness, the government has to take measures that make fast foods unaffordable and healthy foods more accessible.
Excessive consumption of fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
about the health consequences of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the solution to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. Others,
however
, feel that other measures
are required
to tackle this issue. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that alone will not work.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lead a hectic life these days. They do not have the time or energy to cook proper meals.
As a result
, they subsist on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them are actually aware of the ill effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
;
yet
they consume it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they prefer convenience to health. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
eating junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
launches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
campaigns against such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are ignorant of the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Awareness
campaigns will work best amongst them.

As we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
is not the factor that encourages the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
other actions are
also
required to deal with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
knowing that it is unhealthy may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
eating it if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it unaffordable by increasing taxes on it. Even this measure will not deter wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. Perhaps a better solution is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
more affordable and accessible. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can perhaps open eateries that serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at reasonable prices. In Tamil Nadu,
for example
, there are state funded canteens that serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
for a nominal price.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
options are available
conveniently
at least
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will give up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
food.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
about the harmful effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will not solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
In addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take measures that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
unaffordable and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
more accessible.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS essay Scientists agree that people are harming their health by eating too much fat food. Some people think that the solution to this problem is to make people aware of the problems. Others think education will not work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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