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Some people think that shops should not allowed to sell food and drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that shops should not allowed to sell food and drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. v. 1
It has been discussed by many that large sector industries would benefit more if they relocate their industry to rural areas from urban areas. In my opinion, the advantages of relocating outweigh the disadvantages. The first advantage of shifting the industry from urban area to rural areas is that the trend of people moving to urban areas will reduce. Companies shifting to rural areas would create job opportunities to the residents of those areas. According to a recent survey, 45 % of residents living in rural areas tend to move to urban cities for seeking jobs. Moreover, this trend also helps in eradication of poverty, and increased their living standards. As is it quoted, In order to develop a city you need to establish an industry; the city itself is formed. However, there are certain disadvantages as well. Moving towards rural areas would disturb the environment as well. The waste disposal of factories would affect the agricultural lands. Air and noise pollution also create the disturbance for the residents. As urban areas are polluted due to industrial waste and several skin allergies are common in people living near to industrial zones. Pollution is directly linked to manufacturing sector which is always a major concern. In conclusion, it is believed that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. As this shift would create job opportunity for the residents and helps in improving their living standards. Hence, I believe that pollution issue can be addressed if the companies focus on planting more trees in the vicinity.
It has
been discussed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that large sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
would benefit more if they relocate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. In my opinion, the advantages of relocating outweigh the disadvantages.

The
first
advantage of shifting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is that the trend of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
shifting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
would create job opportunities to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. According to a recent survey, 45 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
cities for seeking jobs.
Moreover
, this trend
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in eradication of poverty, and increased their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards. As is it quoted, In order to develop a city you need to establish an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
; the city itself
is formed
.

However
, there are certain disadvantages
as well
. Moving towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
would disturb the environment
as well
. The waste disposal of factories would affect the agricultural lands. Air and noise pollution
also
create the disturbance for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are polluted
due to industrial waste and several skin allergies are common in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
near to industrial zones. Pollution is
directly
linked to manufacturing sector which is always a major concern.

In conclusion
, it
is believed
that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. As this shift would create job opportunity for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards.
Hence
, I believe that pollution issue can
be addressed
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
focus on planting more trees in the vicinity.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think that shops should not allowed to sell food and drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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