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Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make efforts in reducing environmental pollution and housing problems To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statements? v.1

Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make efforts in reducing environmental pollution and housing problems with this statements? v. 1
In recent years, the outbreak of rare and new diseases has been preying on the minds of millions of people in the world. Some suggest that the only way to win the battle against illness and disease is to improve the environmental conditions and solve housing problems. As far as I am concerned, I am on the same wavelength with them on this matter. It is no exaggeration to say that today the environmental pollution has reached its peak and its effects on human, animals and vegetation alike can be grave and irreparable. With each passing minute, hundreds of lives are claimed in the world and their reasons of death are from people’s daily activities – those related to the degradation of the environment. For instance, farmers today are no stranger to the practice of overdosing the farmlands with pesticides and insecticides. Besides, countless factories are poisoning the water with toxic refuse and environmentally unfriendly chemicals. Apparently, if efforts are made in stopping these activities, many people would be saved from unnecessary diseases. In addition to this, I feel that in order to combat disease, housing problems should be properly addressed; especially in metropolitan areas where accommodation is scarce and people are plentiful. Homeless people who are forced to live in the gutter or in small sewage-ridden, iron sheds on the streets are carrying diseases that are highly infectious. For this reason, they should be provided with sanitary places where they can live so as not to affect the lives of other people. To conclude, it is my belief that most modern plagues can be prevented if the governments are willing to take the bull by the horns, to introduce and enforce appropriate measures in handling this situation. I hope that future generation enjoy lives with no disease.
In recent years, the outbreak of rare and new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
has been preying on the minds of millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
suggest that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to win the battle against illness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the environmental conditions and solve housing problems. As far as I
am concerned
, I am on the same wavelength with them on this matter.

It is no exaggeration to say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
the environmental pollution has reached its peak and its effects on human, animals and vegetation alike can be grave and irreparable. With each passing minute, hundreds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
are claimed
in the world and their reasons of death are from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
daily activities
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
those related to the degradation of the environment.
For instance
, farmers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are no stranger to the practice of overdosing the farmlands with pesticides and insecticides.
Besides
, countless factories are poisoning the water with toxic refuse and
environmentally
unfriendly
chemicals.
Apparently
, if efforts
are made
in stopping these activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
be saved
from unnecessary diseases.

In addition
to this, I feel that in order to combat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
, housing problems should be
properly
addressed;
especially
in metropolitan areas where accommodation is scarce and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are plentiful. Homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the gutter or in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
sewage-ridden, iron sheds on the streets are carrying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that are
highly
infectious.
For this reason
, they should
be provided
with sanitary places where they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as not to affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, it is my belief that most modern plagues can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are willing to take the bull by the horns, to introduce and enforce appropriate measures in handling this situation. I hope that future generation enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make efforts in reducing environmental pollution and housing problems with this statements? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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