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Some people think that shops should not allowed to sell food and drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that shops should not allowed to sell food and drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. v. 2
It is claimed that only food and beverage that are proven scientifically good for health allow to be available in marketplace. In my opinion, I agree with this point of view for the following reasons. One possible justification for this could be that consumers in the present day have been unindated with various kind of food and drinks, which could make their purchasing decisions less wisely, unless there are restricted instruments on these items such as via expert' s advice. It is definitely the case that these foodstuff and beverage comprise of both wholesome and unhealthy food and drinks sources, which are seldom distinguished, especially with ordinary people who have less knowledge of them. To illustrate, Vietnamese inhabitants have been encountering a variety of food and drinks in shops on a daily basis, including those are good and bad for human' s health, particularly Chinese food which contain the large amount of food addictive and colouring. With naked eyes, consumers virtually cannot recognize whether their desirable items are genuine and easily pick up those products that could do harm to their health if donot have any warns from experts. Another probable reason why I advocate with those who maintain that only scientifically proved good products could be sold is that more and more consumers have been facing health deteriotation due to the detrimental effects of consuming not wholesome food such as junk food and fast food. The prime example of this could be that cancer rate are increasing dramatically in recent decades, notably stomach cancer, which could attribute to excessive consumption of poor quality food that are infected by pesticide and chemical fertilizer. As a result, if these bad-for-health items could be differentiated from diverse sources by experts and scientists, then it is more likely that humankind could at least call a halt to this cancer " epidemic" and other potentially fatal diseases. In conclusion, I would support those believe that only food and drinks which are proven good for health by scientists and experts could be sold in shops.
It
is claimed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and beverage that
are proven
scientifically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to be available in marketplace. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view for the following reasons.

One possible justification for this could be that consumers in the present day have been
Possible spelling mistake found.
unindated
with various kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their purchasing decisions less
wisely
, unless there
are restricted
instruments on these items such as via
Possible spelling mistake found.
expert&
#039; s advice. It is definitely the case that
Did you mean "this foodstuff" or "these foodstuffs"?
these foodstuff
and beverage
Did you mean "comprise" or "consist of"?
comprise of
both wholesome and unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
sources, which are seldom distinguished,
especially
with ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have less knowledge of them. To illustrate, Vietnamese inhabitants have been encountering a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
in shops on a daily basis, including those are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
particularly
Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which contain the large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
addictive and
Possible spelling mistake found.
colouring
. With naked eyes, consumers
virtually
cannot recognize whether their desirable items are genuine and
easily
pick up those products that could do harm to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
if
Possible spelling mistake found.
donot
have any warns from experts.

Another probable reason why I advocate with those who maintain that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
scientifically
proved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
products could
be sold
is that more and more consumers have been facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Possible spelling mistake found.
deteriotation
due to the detrimental effects of consuming not wholesome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The prime example of this could be that cancer rate are increasing
dramatically
in recent decades,
notably
stomach cancer, which could attribute to excessive consumption of poor quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that
are infected
by pesticide and chemical fertilizer.
As a result
, if these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
-for-health items could
be differentiated
from diverse sources by experts and scientists, then it is more likely that humankind could at least call a halt to this cancer
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
epidemic&quot
; and other
potentially
fatal diseases.

In conclusion
, I would support those believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
which
are proven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by scientists and experts could
be sold
in shops.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some people think that shops should not allowed to sell food and drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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