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The pie chart below show the responses by teachers of foreign language in Britain to a survey concerning why their students are learning a foreign language. The first chart shows the main reason for learning a foreign language. The second chart show how m v.1

The pie chart below show the responses by teachers of foreign language in Britain to a survey concerning why their students are learning a foreign language. The first chart shows the main reason for learning a foreign language. The second chart show how m v. 1
Of late, businessmen across the globe are preferring online mode for official engagements and coaching as compared to physical in-person face offs in practice earlier. While the internet medium offers fast and cost effective model of executing tasks, from my point of view, it alienates multiple professionally advantageous points that develop during physical meetings. Therefore, pros and cons of taking the digital route for official gatherings are required to be comprehended in tandem with each other. On one hand, the preference of cyberspace for business gatherings and training is shooting up as a result of direct savings on money and time associated with travelling to a specific place. While the information highways allow access to other people at a comparatively insignificant cost, it is the swiftness of engagement that has turned the tables in its favour. In addition to a substantial advantages of time and money, the computer way indeed offers a multi geographical meetings at a specific period, way beyond the constraint of physical travel. For example, a person can have a meeting with people located in five different countries during the same video-conference. On the other hand, voice and video calls restrict the domain of business engagements. For example, if some buyer has to buy certain apparel product from a supplier, video call between them will be incapable of giving the buyer a first-hand feel of the garment product in question. Further, online engagement also restricts the development of interpersonal bond between two people, which otherwise are a backbone of face to face meetings. To conclude, online engagements offer a much quicker and cost effective method of business coordination. Despite the fact that there are certain constraints on scope of web based interactions in terms of confining the trademark bonhomie of physical meetings, the merits in terms of bottom line and work efficiency makes it a first choice for coming future. .
Of late, businessmen across the globe
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
online mode for official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engagements
and coaching as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
in-person face offs in practice earlier. While the internet medium offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and cost effective model of executing tasks, from my point of view, it alienates multiple
professionally
advantageous points that develop during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
.
Therefore
, pros and cons of taking the digital route for official gatherings
are required
to
be comprehended
in tandem with each other.

On one hand, the preference of cyberspace for business gatherings and training is shooting up
as a result
of direct savings on money and time associated with travelling to a specific place. While the information highways
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
access to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at a
comparatively
insignificant cost, it is the swiftness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engagement
that has turned the tables in its
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
.
In addition
to a substantial advantages of time and money, the computer way
indeed
offers a multi geographical
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "meeting"?
meetings
at a specific period, way beyond the constraint of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
travel.
For example
, a person can have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
located in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries during the same video-conference.

On the other hand
, voice and video calls restrict the domain of business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engagements
.
For example
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
buyer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
certain apparel product from a supplier, video call between them will be incapable of giving the buyer a
first
-hand feel of the garment product in question.
Further
, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engagement
also
restricts the development of interpersonal bond between two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which
otherwise
are a backbone of face to face meetings.

To conclude
, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engagements
offer a much quicker and cost effective method of business coordination. Despite the fact that there are certain constraints on scope of web based interactions in terms of confining the trademark bonhomie of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
, the merits in terms of bottom line and work efficiency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it a
first
choice for coming future.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay The pie chart below show the responses by teachers of foreign language in Britain to a survey concerning why their students are learning a foreign language. The first chart shows the main reason for learning a foreign language. The second chart show how m v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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