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Some people believe that learning mathematics at school is redundant and should not be taught, while others believe that it should remain a foundational subject whether or not it is used in life. Discuss both sides. v.1

Some people believe that learning mathematics at school is redundant and should not be taught, while others believe that it should remain a foundational subject whether or not it is used in life. v. 1
It is irrefutable that the globalization has transformed the way people eat food around the globe. There are many people who believe that franchise restaurants are responsible for moving the population away from eating their authentic food. In this essay, I will discuss some of the problem associated with fast food and propose some solution. The most significant advantage of the fast food is the convenience. The food is available on the go. For instance, if an individual is getting late for work, he can grab a burger on his way during commute. In contrast, the traditional food required sufficient amount of time and space in order to eat. As a consequence, nowadays, people are mostly on the run depending on the fast food, which is not considered a good eating habit. As a result, the obesity around the world has increased drastically. On the other hand, the meals were supposed to provide relaxation and energy, since ancient times. Also, supper was considered a time to talk to your near and dear ones. For example, as per the research done by the Oxford University, they found out, those who eat meals with family are tending to stay happy and healthy. It is because, they feel less stressed, when talking to their family members and working on the issues together. In conclusion, despite the fast food chain providing flexibility to have food on the run, In my view, as an individual, we should restrict yourself from eating fast food regularly. As, it not only affects our health, but also refrain us from having a pleasant time with our family.
It is irrefutable that the globalization has transformed the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
around the globe. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that franchise restaurants are responsible for moving the population away from eating their authentic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. In this essay, I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
problem associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solution.

The most significant advantage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the convenience. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is available on the go.
For instance
, if an individual is getting late for work, he can grab a burger on his way during commute.
In contrast
, the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
required sufficient amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and space in order to eat. As a consequence, nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
mostly
on the run depending on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which is not considered a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
eating habit.
As a result
, the obesity around the world has increased
drastically
.

On the other hand
, the meals
were supposed
to provide relaxation and energy, since ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
Also
, supper
was considered
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to talk to your near and dear ones.
For example
, as per the research done by the Oxford University, they found out, those who eat meals with family are tending to stay happy and healthy. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they feel less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, when talking to their family members and working on the issues together.

In conclusion
, despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chain providing flexibility to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on the run, In my view, as an individual, we should restrict yourself from eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
regularly
. As, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects our health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
refrain us from having a pleasant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with our family.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that learning mathematics at school is redundant and should not be taught, while others believe that it should remain a foundational subject whether or not it is used in life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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