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Some people think that secondary school children should study international news as one of the school subjects. Other people think that it is a waste of valuable school time. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

Some people think that secondary school children should study international news as one of the school subjects. Other people think that it is a waste of valuable school time. v. 3
The importance of global media appears to increase year after year, so much so there have been calls to introduce news channels into the classroom. I believe this to be politically dangerous and potentially damaging due to the nature of international media. Firstly, considering the importance education has in a modern society, it is extremely worrying and dangerous to even consider substituting school subjects with international news. This is because the danger lies in choosing a correct, balanced, unbiased and neutral news source, if one even exists. For example, if a child spent their school days watching FOX NEWS, they would potentially have a skewed opinion of the world due to its unabashed right-wing credentials. Therefore, changing a child’s information diet from traditional subjects such as music, PE, or geography to watching a potentially partisan news channel is an extremely worrying and risky idea. Secondly, if international news were to become a new subject it could have a detrimental emotional impact on young minds. This is because in general the majority of news is of a negative nature, hence the expression, “If it bleeds, it leads”. For example, studies by the EFE News Agency show that 85% of headlines are negative in nature, usually referring to natural disasters, war, famine, etc. The logic of having these types of stories beamed into a school to those of an impressionable age has to be challenged. Thus the obligation of watching news of a negative nature makes for a convincing argument against such an innovation. To conclude, due to the risk from political influences and the harsh reality of global news, I am strongly in favour of maintaining the current curriculum.
The importance of global media appears to increase year after year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there have been calls to introduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels into the classroom. I believe this to be
politically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and
potentially
damaging due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
of international media.

Firstly
, considering the importance education has in a modern society, it is
extremely
worrying and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to even consider substituting school subjects with international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
lies in choosing a correct, balanced, unbiased and neutral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
source, if one even exists.
For example
, if a child spent their school days watching FOX
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEWS
, they would
potentially
have a skewed opinion of the world due to its unabashed right-wing credentials.
Therefore
, changing a child’s information diet from traditional subjects such as music, PE, or geography to watching a
potentially
partisan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channel is an
extremely
worrying and risky
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Secondly
, if international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
were to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
subject it could have a detrimental emotional impact on young minds. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in general
the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
,
hence
the expression, “If it bleeds, it leads”.
For example
, studies by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
EFE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
News
Agency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that 85% of headlines are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
,
usually
referring to natural disasters, war, famine, etc. The logic of having these types of stories beamed into a school to those of an impressionable age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be challenged
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the obligation of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
for a convincing argument against such an innovation.

To conclude
, due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
from political influences and the harsh reality of global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, I am
strongly
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of maintaining the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
curriculum.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that secondary school children should study international news as one of the school subjects. Other people think that it is a waste of valuable school time. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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