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Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects. Other people say this is a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects. Other people say this is a waste of valuable school time. v. 2
A certain portion of population believe that secondary school students should be taught in their education whilst others disagree that and think it will lead to waste student's time which is considerable. I think education schedule has enough time for benefit activity. To begin with, some authorities think that studying real news about all around the world necessary for students because if education offer to students this lesson, students will be more awareness about world and learn follow news. Moreover, children are grew being no idea about worlds issues and events by these education program. In recent survey in Sweden show that contemporary education system make children to isolation individual about real world. This is why, governments should alter in their education systems. On the other hand, those who opposed to this say that students could not get lessons such as maths and science because of lack of time. If new modules add to program, already jammed program will be more jammed. Actually no evidence to support this view. However, experts usually say that It is clear that education program include many mistakes and science lessons' problems are not relevant with lack of time, there is a mistake in another statements. In conclusion, the fact that students do not know our world and there is not logical solution without adding new activity to existing school program. There is some doubt that it will causes serious time problems but experts and most research show that it will not affect other lessons.
A certain portion of population believe that secondary school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be taught
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
whilst others disagree that and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it will lead to waste student's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which is considerable. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
schedule has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for benefit activity.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that studying real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about all around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
offer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
this lesson,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be more awareness about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and learn follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Moreover
, children are
Consider using a past participle here: "grown".
grew
being no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worlds
issues and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
. In recent survey in Sweden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children to isolation individual about real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This is why,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should alter in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
systems.

On the other hand
, those who opposed to this say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lessons such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and science
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
modules
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
, already jammed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
will be more jammed. Actually no evidence to support this view.
However
, experts
usually
say that It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mistakes and science lessons' problems are not relevant with lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, there is a mistake in another statements.

In conclusion
, the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not know our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and there is not logical solution without adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
activity to existing school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
doubt that it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "cause"
causes
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
experts and most research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that it will not affect other lessons.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects. Other people say this is a waste of valuable school time. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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