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some people think that secondary or high school student should be taught how to use money management as it is an important life skill. do you agree or disagree with the statement? v.3

some people think that secondary or high school student should be taught how to use money management as it is an important life skill. v. 3
Money Management is one of the most important skills that everyone and especially teenagers should be aware of as early as possible. A skill which is neglected by almost all schools is proving detrimental in the person's life as well as for government on a long run. Firstly, aging is a bitter truth of life. The period of youth is shorter and eventually will end. Studies have shown that the people who do not invest at the right time of age will suffer in the later years. For example, 100$ invested at age of 25 years will become 1000$ at age of 60 that can be used towards the retirement period. Moreover, poor spending habits are extra add-on that is a direct result of not learning this particular skill at school. The plastic money like credit cards have given the opportunity to people to buy everything they like for instant gratification and then repent later in terms of paying back the debts. Surprisingly, the age when people could afford home has been moved by 5 years from the baseline of 25 years during 1990. Also, it is beneficial for the government to introduce this subject in the school curriculum. The students who will learn these skills tends to be less burden on the government in the later years of their life. For instance, they will plan their retirement life more promptly while they are still young more diligently and efficiently. To conclude, the money management skills is not a rocket science to understand. Guidance should be provided on how they should spend their money and how to manage it on their own because time is of critical essence. Thus, I strongly believe that these skills should be developed as soon as possible ideally during school time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
Management is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that everyone and
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should be aware of as early as possible. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
which
is neglected
by almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is proving detrimental in the person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
as for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
on a long run.

Firstly
, aging is a bitter truth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The period of youth is shorter and
eventually
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. Studies have shown that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not invest at the right time of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
will suffer in the later years.
For example
,
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$100".
100$
invested at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 25 years will become
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$1000".
1000$
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
towards the retirement period.

Moreover
, poor spending habits are extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
-on
that is
a direct result of not learning this particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. The plastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
like credit cards have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
everything they like for instant gratification and then repent later in terms of paying back the debts.
Surprisingly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could afford home has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
by 5 years from the baseline of 25 years during 1990.

Also
, it is beneficial for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to introduce this subject in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. The students who will learn these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
tends to be less burden on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in the later years of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, they will plan their retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more
promptly
while they are
still
young more
diligently
and
efficiently
.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is not a rocket science to understand. Guidance should
be provided
on how they should spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and how to manage it on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
time is of critical essence.
Thus
, I
strongly
believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
be developed
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible
ideally
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
time.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay some people think that secondary or high school student should be taught how to use money management as it is an important life skill. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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