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Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. v.23

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. v. 23
These days, increasing inhabitants of the big cities is making several problems. This essay will discuss the main issues related to the citizens and suggest some possible solutions to avoid them. The main matter is unemployment and pollution because of the growing number of townsfolk. Most of the people come to cities for education or to find a job, but it is not simple to achieve something in big competitions. For example, if 8 employees should work in a cafe in China, it is 6 times less than applying for a job. What is more, pollution can be another reason, caused by cars. It is because most of the family members prefer using their own cars, in that case, it brings harmful air to us. In my opinion, a possible solution to this problem would be the government can solve this difficulty by making new orders. Firstly, the administration has to open universities and colleagues in small towns, as a result, new job places will open and nobody will move the land where they were born. In addition, one immediate practical solution is for protecting the fresh air the authority also has to discover a method about to reduce using cars and the best way is to improve public transportations. In other words, promoting vehicles would decrease the level of air pollution. In conclusion, rising numbers of the population of urban areas have to lead to some problems such as jobless and worth effects climate. The most successful solution would be to make better facilities in the regions to attract citizens.
These days, increasing inhabitants of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities is making several problems. This essay will discuss the main issues related to the citizens and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to avoid them.

The main matter is unemployment and pollution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the growing number of townsfolk. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to cities for education or to find a job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not simple to achieve something in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
competitions.
For example
, if 8 employees should work in a
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
in China, it is 6 times less than applying for a job.
What is more
, pollution can be another reason, caused by cars. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the family members prefer using their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars,
in that case
, it brings harmful air to us.

In my opinion, a possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
to this problem would be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can solve this difficulty by making new orders.
Firstly
, the administration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
open universities and colleagues in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns,
as a result
, new job places will open and nobody will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
the land where they
were born
.
In addition
, one immediate practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is for protecting the fresh air the authority
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
discover a method about to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
using cars and the best way is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public transportations.
In other words
, promoting vehicles would decrease the level of air pollution.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, rising numbers of the population of urban areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems such as jobless and worth effects climate. The most successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
would be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better facilities in the regions to attract citizens.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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