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Some people think that secondary or high school student should be taught how to use money management as it is an important lifeskill. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? v.1

Some people think that secondary or high school student should be taught how to use money management as it is an important lifeskill. v. 1
It is believed by some that learning to manage money, being an essential lifeskill, must be taught to high school student. In my opinion, I agree that student in secondary school should learn to manage money as it will help them grow, and develop into a self-dependent adult in future. Money management plays a crucial role in deciding growth, and high school is an appropriate time to learn this skill. This is because students in high school are mainly supported by parents in terms of finances and they are about to jump into a society where they will be making their own decisions. Being supported by parents in high school, they have almost nil knowledge about planning their own finances. If they learn to prioritize things to which money should be allocated, the repercussions of poor money handling could be avoided, therefore, helping them move forward. Moreover, in this way they can save some amount for other unplanned expenses which comes ahead. Furthermore, another reason why money management is important for high school pupil to master is it enforces qualities for becoming an independent individual inside them. So, student in high school should know that efficient money usage ensures a safe future. Allocating money on right areas at the correct time, for instance, helps one to avoid debt. Avoiding debt will, further, enable one to grow without any external financial aid, and hence in an independent manner. This is a clear reason why learning money management skill early, at high school, is necessary for students to develop in future as independent entrepreneurs. To conclude, I agree with students at secondary school mastering efficient use of money is essential for their future to grow independently.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that learning to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, being an essential
Possible spelling mistake found.
lifeskill
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should learn to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them grow, and develop into a self-dependent adult
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

Money management plays a crucial role in deciding growth, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is an appropriate time to learn this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are
mainly
supported by parents in terms of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
finances and
they are about to jump into a society where they will be making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions.
Being supported
by parents in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they have almost nil knowledge about planning their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
finances. If they learn to prioritize things to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be allocated
, the repercussions of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
handling could
be avoided
,
therefore
, helping them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward.
Moreover
, in this way they can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount for other unplanned expenses which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
ahead.

Furthermore
, another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupil to master is it enforces qualities for becoming an independent individual inside them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should know that efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
usage ensures a safe future. Allocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on right areas at the correct time,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
one to avoid debt. Avoiding debt will,
further
, enable one to grow without any external financial aid, and
hence
Consider replacing "in an independent manner" with the adverb for "independent"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an independent manner
. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
reason why learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
early, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to develop in future as independent entrepreneurs.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
mastering efficient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is essential for their future to grow
independently
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that secondary or high school student should be taught how to use money management as it is an important lifeskill. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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