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In some countries, children under 16 are not allowed to leave school by law and get full-time work. Is this a good or a bad thing? v.2

In some countries, children under 16 are not allowed to leave school by law and get full-time work. Is this a good or a bad thing? v. 2
Children, below the age of 16, are not permitted to work full time at the expense of school, as per laws in some countries. In my opinion, studying at school is more important for students under 16 as compared to engaging in a full-time job as personal development and a secured future is possible with studying at a young age. With regards to the development of efficient qualities in an individual, children especially under 16 years, should spend time at school rather than working full time. The reason for this is that school education will allow them to carve out their talent, so that they can choose a carrier based on personal interest. This ability to opt for interest-driven carrier is only possible with school education and not with the full-time job. Moreover, education at a young age will help children develop into an independent adult later. Furthermore, getting involved in a full-time work exposes students below 16 to exploitation. Children under 16, being naive, might be made to engage in hard manual labour. This is a serious issue which could impair a child’s future, and the government, taking measures and legal actions to prevent such exploitation of children is an essential step towards securing their future. Another reason for banning under 16 pupils from working full time is that, although the payment for the work may attract pupils initially but it will jeopardize their future when they have limited carrier options to choose from. To conclude, I believe that government should protect children, under 16, from full-time job and ensure their attendance at school.
Children
, below the age of 16, are not permitted to work full
time
at the expense of
school
, as per laws in
some
countries. In my opinion, studying at
school
is more
important
for students under 16 as
compared
to engaging in a full-time job as personal development and a secured
future
is possible with studying at a young age.

With regards to
the development of efficient qualities in an individual,
children
especially
under 16 years, should spend
time
at
school
rather
than working full
time
.
The reason for this is
that
school
education will
allow
them to carve out their talent,
so
that they can choose a carrier based on personal interest. This ability to opt for interest-driven carrier is
only
possible with
school
education and not with the full-time job.
Moreover
, education at a young age will
help
children
develop into an independent adult later.

Furthermore
, getting involved in a full-time work exposes students below 16 to exploitation.
Children
under 16, being naive, might
be made
to engage in
hard
manual
labour
. This is a serious issue which could impair a child’s
future
, and the
government
, taking measures and legal actions to
prevent
such exploitation of
children
is an essential step towards securing their
future
. Another reason for banning under 16 pupils from working full
time
is that, although the payment for the work may attract pupils
initially
but
it will jeopardize their
future
when they have limited carrier options to choose from.

To conclude
, I believe that
government
should protect
children
, under 16, from full-time job and ensure their attendance at
school
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, children under 16 are not allowed to leave school by law and get full-time work. Is this a good or a bad thing? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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