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Some people think that schools should involve students in school management. Do you agree or disagree with this idea? Give reasons for your answer. v.2

Some people think that schools should involve students in school management. with this idea? v. 2
Throughout the past few years, there has been a great deal of discussion over whether or not students should be involved in the executive of schools. In this regard, some people claim that this cooperation is a good opportunity for children to gain valuable skills. However, I completely disagree with this view for several reasons. On the one hand, involving students in part of the academy administration team may prevent them from learning. School curriculum is already heavy and consists of a wide range of subjects. As part of the management team also requires to invest considerable time in order to determine different problems and finding probable solutions. Consequently, engaging them in management may put an obstacle in the way of their learning. Furthermore, school is a great opportunity for children not only to gain scientific knowledge, but also to find their interesting subjects and determine their different talents. Only in this way can they learn the various academic courses through teachers who be thought to support perfectly children. However, children might influence their attitudes in their management. For example, not interesting in the particular field, they omitted this course from the school curriculum. By this act, they might deprive other students to experience that course. On the other hand, being part of the school management team can provide a perfect opportunity that they can boost their managerial activity for children. Whenever students decide on a different issue that might occur in school, they learn how to explore the problem and improve their ability to make a better decision. I term of student management, they have to analyse various issues and consider the probable consequence of their choice. But, I believe that these authority skills can be taught in other ways, such as games, workshops, or class activities. So there is no longer a need to put children in such a tough situation. In conclusion, although many people claim that using students in school administration can I believe that children should focus on their studies in school. Carrying responsibility like part of school management could be stressful for them and prevent them from the study.
Throughout the past few years, there has been a great deal of discussion over
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be involved
in the executive of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that this cooperation is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to gain valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
However
, I completely disagree with this view for several reasons.

On the one hand, involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the academy administration team may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from learning.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
curriculum is already heavy and consists of a wide range of subjects. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
team
also
requires
Did you mean "investing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to invest
considerable time in order to determine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
problems and finding probable solutions.
Consequently
, engaging them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
may put an obstacle in the way of their learning.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a great opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to gain scientific knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to find their interesting subjects and determine their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
talents.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
in this way can they learn the various academic courses through teachers who be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to support
perfectly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might influence their attitudes in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
.
For example
, not interesting in the particular field, they omitted this course from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. By this act, they might deprive other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to experience that course.

On the other hand
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
team can provide a perfect opportunity that they can boost their managerial activity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Whenever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
decide on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
issue that might occur in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they learn how to explore the problem and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better decision. I term of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
various issues and consider the probable consequence of their choice.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I believe that these authority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can
be taught
in other ways, such as games, workshops, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
there is no longer a need to put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in such a tough situation.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
administration can I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should focus on their studies in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Carrying responsibility like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
could be stressful for them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from the study.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that schools should involve students in school management. with this idea? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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