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Some activities and sports are harmless and do not involve risks but some others involve risks and dangers and yet people are attracted to these activities. Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities? v.1

Some activities and sports are harmless and do not involve risks but some others involve risks and dangers and yet people are attracted to these activities. Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities? v. 1
Nowadays many people attracted to dangerous sports and other dangerous activities. From my everyday experience and observation, I think it is a result of dramatic changes in people's life. Just imagine at old times men had to hunt for food, fight, face many challenges and obstacles. Now our days are quite ordinary with a cup of coffee, doughnuts, computers, the desk table and TV. Basically, we do not have to struggle every day for our life and we have nutritious meals without any efforts. So, all we have to do is to contemplate our life. However, I must confess it can be boring. All improvements created for the past centuries made our life easier. Nowadays people look for adventure. They want to face a challenge, prove themselves something, conquer the world, etc. Personally, I think that every person sees different goals in doing dangerous activities. Some people want to add some stress and tension to their lives. From the other side, other people want to eliminate stress and tension gained from their everyday lives. They can forget about all troubles and leave them behind. I believe that dangerous activities give one freedom, happiness, feeling of independence and tone. People who take part in the games like formula one or try to visit the peak of the Mount Everest don’t do it for only fame or money but for the passion. As an example, Mother Merry Courie even after knowing the dangerous effects of radiation worked with it. To sum up, I think that dangerous sports and activities are irreplaceable in our life. Without them out life would be miserable and boring.
Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attracted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
sports and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. From my everyday experience and observation, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a result of dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
imagine at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
had to hunt for food, fight, face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges and obstacles.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
our days are quite ordinary with a cup of coffee, doughnuts, computers, the desk table and TV.
Basically
, we do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle every day for our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
we have nutritious meals without any efforts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, all we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do is to contemplate our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
confess it can be boring. All improvements created for the past centuries made our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier. Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look for adventure. They want to face a challenge, prove themselves something, conquer the world, etc.

Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that every person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
goals in doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tension to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. From the other side, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to eliminate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tension gained from their everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They can forget about all troubles and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them behind. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
give one freedom, happiness, feeling of independence and tone.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the games like
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
formula one
or try to visit the peak of the Mount Everest don’t do it for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fame or money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the passion. As an example, Mother Merry
Possible spelling mistake found.
Courie
even after knowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
effects of radiation worked with it.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are irreplaceable in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Without them out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
would be miserable and boring.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some activities and sports are harmless and do not involve risks but some others involve risks and dangers and yet people are attracted to these activities. Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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