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some people think that schools should involve students in school management. Do you agree or disagree with this idea? Give reasons for your answer. v.1

some people think that schools should involve students in school management. with this idea? v. 1
Certain individuals are of the opinion that learning institutions should include pupils in education administration. However, I completely disagree with this viewpoint because it will make the learning curriculum cumbersome also, children have interests which may be different from managing an institution. Firstly, involving pupils in such an activity makes their learning curriculum complicated and most kids have natural inclination towards other activities. Nowadays, it takes twelve weeks to complete a school term, - in which most subjects are not properly covered. Hence, any additional course, subject or activity will affect the already existing courses, and even make the syllabus longer. More so, learners will derive lesser value from the courses because the duration will likely be shortened due to the addition of another activity. Furthermore, children are born with natural interests in certain activities such as sports, music or arts and these helps to drive their choice of a career. I believe they should be encouraged to participate in their niche areas for better future. In addition, there will be limited job opportunities in learning administration in the future, and children should not be made to spend time on an activity that has little or no prospect. A recent survey indicated that there will be a decline in the growth of academic related jobs within the next fifteen years. This is as result of the increasing use of Artificial Intelligence in learning, and school administration. For example, Udemy uses specially designed softwares to engage its learners. In conclusion, academics administration has little or no prospect in the nearest future. Likewise, syllabuses will become too bulky by the addition of this activity. Also, children may have other interests that will impact positively on their future hence, priority should be given to their passion.
Certain individuals are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
institutions should include pupils in education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
administration
.
However
, I completely disagree with this viewpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
curriculum cumbersome
also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have interests which may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from managing an institution.

Firstly
, involving pupils in such an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
curriculum complicated and most kids have natural inclination towards other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Nowadays, it takes twelve weeks to complete a school term,
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
in which most subjects are not
properly
covered.
Hence
, any additional course, subject or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
will affect the already existing courses, and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the syllabus longer. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, learners will derive lesser value from the courses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the duration will likely
be shortened
due to the addition of another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are born
with natural interests in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as sports, music or arts and these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to drive their choice of a career. I believe they should
be encouraged
to participate in their niche areas for better future.

In addition
, there will
be limited
job opportunities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
administration
in the future, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
be made
to spend time on an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no prospect. A recent survey indicated that there will be a decline in the growth of academic related jobs within the
next
fifteen years. This is as result of the increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of Artificial Intelligence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
, and school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
administration
.
For example
, Udemy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
specially
designed
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
to engage its learners.

In conclusion
, academics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
administration
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no prospect in the nearest future.
Likewise
, syllabuses will become too bulky by the addition of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may have other interests that will impact
positively
on their future
hence
, priority should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to their passion.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that schools should involve students in school management. with this idea? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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