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some people think healthcare should be free for everyone others think that people should pay for their medical costs themselves discuss both view and give your opinion. v.2

Health and fitness are indispensible factor of human lives. People can not take it for granted. Few people opine that, these essential services should be free for all. However, others maintain that, it ought to be paid to everyone. Both the views have their certain valid arguments that will be discussed before making any conclusion. First of all, everyone's life is dependent on effective medical service. It becomes matter of lives. Therefore, it must be free for everyone. So that poon and needy ones can take maximum benefit form it. Moreover, only sake of money if anyone loss their live, then it is a huge shameful act in terms of humanity. Furthermore, nation's developments are considered on the basis of good health care services available in that particular country. When maximum people are healthy and fit then the economical growth rate would definitely increase at rapid pace. Hence, it usually said that " Health is wealth ". By keeping these reasons in mind government should provide health services free of cost. In contrary, other may claim that, people do not value free things. If health sector is become free to everyone, then there would be a possibility that people will not take care of their health as hospitals are open for everyone at free of cost. Moreover, this thing is also crucial in doctor's perspective because they may treat their patients quite casually. After some time, it might be a trend that health services are not so effective and useful for people. Hammering the last nail, it can be said that " To each his own ". In my opinion, medical sectors ought to be free to everyone as there are several people who can not afford expensive medical services and due to this they loss their lives.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
and fitness are
Possible spelling mistake found.
indispensible
factor of human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can not take it for granted. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that, these essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
for all.
However
, others maintain that, it ought to
be paid
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
. Both the views have their certain valid arguments that will
be discussed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making any conclusion.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, everyone's life is dependent on effective medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
. It becomes matter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
Therefore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
poon
and needy ones can take maximum benefit form it.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
sake of money if anyone loss their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
, then it is a huge shameful act in terms of humanity.
Furthermore
, nation's developments
are considered
on the basis of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
available in that particular country. When maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are healthy and fit then the
Did you mean “economic” (=connected with economy)?
economical
growth rate would definitely increase at rapid pace.
Hence
, it
usually
said that
Don’t put a space on both sides of a quote symbol.
"
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is wealth
Use a smart opening quote here.
"
. By keeping these reasons in mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
of cost.

In contrary, other may claim that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
things. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
sector
is become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
, then there would be a possibility that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as hospitals are open for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
of cost.
Moreover
, this thing is
also
crucial in doctor's perspective
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may treat their patients quite
casually
. After
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time, it might be a trend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
effective and useful for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Hammering the last nail, it can
be said
that
Don’t put a space on both sides of a quote symbol.
"
To
A determiner cannot be combined with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply “each” or “his”?
each his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a smart opening quote here.
"
. In my opinion, medical sectors ought to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
as there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can not afford expensive medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and due to this they
Did you mean “lost” (past tense of the verb ‘lose’)?
loss
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
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Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some people think that health care should be free for everyone. others think that people should pay for their medical cost themselves.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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