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Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? Give reasons for your answer. You should write at least 250 words v.9

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? v. 9
It is considered that many people believe that sending children to school at an early age is necessary, whereas others think that the age between 6 and 7 years are more preferable to learn new things. I personally believe that sending kids to school as early as possible is the best choice On the one hand, it is achievable to teach certain habits to kids at an early age, Such as, sharing co-operation and socializing with others. These manners are easy to develop in schools rather than at home because nowadays both parents are working. Therefore, they do not have time to take care of their children. For instance, I remember that my teacher always told me to help needy people by giving them useful things that is how I learnt about sharing. On the other hand, schools provide a particular platform to the wards which helps a lot to become more confident and independent where they learn to interact with strangers and will become more advanced in their studies. For example, when I was in my childhood, I always used to take part in several events and competitions because these activities helped me to connect with unknown person which enhance my level of confidentiality. To summarize, the advantages of early education for children is a better choice. Moreover, it is also useful for students to develop students mentally, physically and socially.
It
is considered
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that sending children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
age is necessary, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the age between 6 and 7 years are more preferable to learn new things. I
personally
believe that sending kids to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
as possible is the best
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
choice


On the one hand, it is achievable to teach certain habits to kids at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
age, Such as, sharing co-operation and socializing with others. These manners are easy to develop in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
rather
than at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays both parents are working.
Therefore
, they do not have time to take care of their children.
For instance
, I remember that my teacher always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by giving them useful things
that is
how I
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
about sharing.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
provide a particular platform to the wards which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a lot to become more confident and independent where they learn to interact with strangers and will become more advanced in their studies.
For example
, when I was in my childhood, I always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and competitions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to connect with unknown person which enhance my level of confidentiality.

To summarize
, the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
education for children is a better choice.
Moreover
, it is
also
useful for students to develop students mentally,
physically
and
socially
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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