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Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. v. 2
There is an issue about the severity of penalty for immature offenders. Some prosecutors believe that court should assign them adult punishment. This essay disagrees with their point of view. Let us start with reasons why some prosecutors state young offenders should be sentenced as grownups. The first reason is that it will deter young people from breaking a law. Most children will think carefully before committing crimes, such as pickpocketing and robbing, because court will sentence them as severely as adults. Another reason is that more victims will be content with the verdict. The people, who suffer the crime, will find justice, when the jury punish their offenders with no excuse for their age. Furthermore, it will spare much time and effort for the court. Court will no longer spend much time considering special cases involving children as criminals, since it will judge them as usually as adults criminals. However, some social workers advocate that youngsters should not receive the punishments intended for adults. Firstly, juvenile delinquents will learn more heavy crimes in prison. The imprisonment of teenagers means that they will rub shoulders with serious criminals, so they will acquire more offensive skills and, subsequently, become more dangerous to society later. Secondly, it will ruin the future of children. Many juvenile offenders will be unable to finish their education and, consequently, get employment, so they will have to make a living by breaking a law again. Moreover, young offenders normally are unaware of justice system. Many children do not know when they commit a crime as well as what will happen to them, if they perpetrate an offence, so it is unfair to assign them the same penalty as adults. In conclusion, although some prosecutors suggest using the same penalties against teenage criminals as against grownups, I think that soft punishment should be in use against them.
There is an issue about the severity of penalty for immature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
prosecutors believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
court
should assign them adult punishment. This essay disagrees with their point of view.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prosecutors state young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
should
be sentenced
as grownups. The
first
reason is that it will deter young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from breaking a law. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
pickpocketing
and robbing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
court
will sentence them as
severely
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. Another reason is that more victims will be content with the verdict. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who suffer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, will find justice, when the jury punish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
with no excuse for their age.
Furthermore
, it will spare much time and effort for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
court
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Court
will no longer spend much time considering special cases involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as criminals, since it will judge them as
usually
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
criminals.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social workers advocate that youngsters should not receive the punishments intended for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
Firstly
, juvenile delinquents will learn more heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in prison. The imprisonment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
means that they will rub shoulders with serious criminals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will acquire more offensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and,
subsequently
, become more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to society later.
Secondly
, it will ruin the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
will be unable to finish their education and,
consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living by breaking a law again.
Moreover
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
normally
are unaware of justice system.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not know when they commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
as well
as what will happen to them, if they perpetrate an
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is unfair to assign them the same penalty as adults.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prosecutors suggest using the same penalties against teenage criminals as against grownups, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that soft punishment should be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
against them.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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