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In some societies the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing Some people think that regardless of age teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment To what extent do you agree v.1

In some societies the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing Some people think that regardless of age teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment 1
Nowadays, in some nation the amount of juvenile crime is increasing. There is an opinion that adolescents committing severe offences should be sentenced on the same basis as matured criminals. I somehow agree with the notion because justice must be objective. First, I am convinced that children under the age of majority who committed severe crime as intentional homicide or torture should be ready to serve the same amount of time in jail as adult offenders. This is because teenagers should be aware that justice will be served and in case of a major crime, they will not have any advantages due to their age. Thus, it will act as a deterrent for the youth and discourage them from commitment of a felony. As well as this, it will be right to sentence an adolescent for a shorter jail term because released criminals tend to commit a new offense just after dismission. However, those cases, which are involved mature criminals who may force a child to break a law, should be assisted with a great deliberation due to the reason that a teenager may be a victim in spite the fact of committing an offence. For instance, an adult offender may threaten to a younger person by different violent acts in case if they will not obey and refuse to perpetrate an offence. Consequently, in this kind of cases jury or a judge should take into account the age of a convicted person. In conclusion, I believe that major crimes should be sentenced equally despite the age of a criminal. Meanwhile, juridical system should consider if a person under the age majority was involved into a crime by force or not.
Nowadays, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nation the amount of juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is increasing. There is an opinion that adolescents committing severe
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
should
be sentenced
on the same basis as matured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. I somehow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
justice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be objective.

First
, I
am convinced
that children under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of majority who committed severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
as intentional homicide or torture should be ready to serve the same amount of time in jail as adult offenders. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should be aware that justice will
be served
and in case of a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, they will not have any advantages due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Thus
, it will act as a deterrent for the youth and discourage them from commitment of a felony.
As well
as this, it will be right to sentence an adolescent for a shorter jail term
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
released
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
tend to commit a new offense
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after
Possible spelling mistake found.
dismission
.

However
, those cases, which
are involved
mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who may force a child to break a law, should
be assisted
with a great deliberation due to the reason that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
may be a victim in spite the fact of committing an
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
.
For instance
, an adult offender may threaten to a younger person by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
violent acts in case if they will not obey and refuse to perpetrate an
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
.
Consequently
, in this kind of cases jury or a judge should take into account the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of a convicted person.

In conclusion
, I believe that major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
should
be sentenced
equally
despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
. Meanwhile, juridical system should consider if a person under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
majority
was involved
into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
by force or not.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some societies the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing Some people think that regardless of age teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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