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Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. v. 1
Undoubtedly, these days, the weight of humans is extremely increasing. With the advent new era with the ongoing development in the world different sorts of problems are arising and increased people’s weight is one of those concerning issues having caused to giving birth to various unanticipated problems. I fully agree with this fact that although this truth is extremely increasing, there are several ways to address this concern. In turn, this essay will discuss the main causes of this fact and the available solutions which are accessible. On the one hand, the more people become obese, the more health of individuals is endangered. That is to say that eating fast food is the main reason of obesity, thus the over usage of ready foods can extremely reduce longevity. Based on the World Health Organization (WHO) report, the vast majority of fast foods are junk foods which have high amounts of calories, such as sugar or fat with little dietary fibre, therefor these junk foods can increase the weight. For instance, WHO declared that in 2019, people in the United States of America used fast foods 10% more compared to 2009. Moreover, inactive lifestyle that these days all people are involved in is another reason of increased weight. In line with this opinion, recent researches showed that being sedentary caused the weight of people to be increased by up to 12%, which can unimaginable elevate the risk of different cancers. On the other hand, the more people are active, the more people are healthy. Some people declared that the enhancement of people’s activities can decrease the amounts of calories in humans’ bodies and consequently increase people’s longevity. I believe that increasing activity is the only way to enhance the life quality. Some people are of the opinion that inactive lifestyle and enhancement of used fast foods are the main reasons of decreased quality of healthy life, while others are opposed to this view. I am sure that only these two facts can guarantee the quality and quantity of humans' lives.
Undoubtedly
, these days, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
of humans is
extremely
increasing. With the advent new era with the ongoing development in the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sorts of problems are arising and increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
is one of those concerning issues having caused to giving birth to various unanticipated problems. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this fact that although this truth is
extremely
increasing, there are several ways to address this concern. In turn, this essay will discuss the main causes of this fact and the available solutions which are accessible.

On the one hand, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become obese, the more health of individuals
is endangered
.
That is
to say that eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the main reason of obesity,
thus
the over usage of ready
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
can
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
longevity. Based on the World Health Organization (WHO) report, the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
which have high amounts of calories, such as sugar or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
dietary
Possible spelling mistake. 'fibre' is British English.
fibre
, therefor these junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
can increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
.
For instance
, WHO declared that in 2019,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the United States of America
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
10% more compared to 2009.
Moreover
, inactive lifestyle that these days all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are involved
in is another reason of increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
. In line with this opinion, recent researches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that being sedentary caused the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be increased
by up to 12%, which can unimaginable elevate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cancers.

On the other hand
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are active, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are healthy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
declared that the enhancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
activities can decrease the amounts of calories in humans’ bodies and
consequently
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
longevity. I believe that increasing activity is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to enhance the life quality.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that inactive lifestyle and enhancement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are the main reasons of decreased quality of healthy life, while others
are opposed
to this view. I am sure that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
these two facts can guarantee the quality and quantity of humans'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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