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Some people think that public libraries are no longer important while others disagree Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people think that public libraries are no longer important while others disagree 1
Time is a valuable thing in everybody's life. It is believed by some people that most of the time spent on career advancement. While some people have an opinion that friends and family should come first rather than concentrating on a career. In my opinion, I believe both are equally important in an individual's life, but require to understand when to focus on a career also when to contribute time to family. Developing in profession contributes to several improvements in people's lives. Firstly, achievement in a career ensures financial stability, which is beneficial in the rise for both society and personal welfare. In other words, every earning individual can contribute to the economic growth of the country in the form of taxes. Secondly, a career achievement help to retain self-confidence and self-assurance in a person rather than remaining unoccupied makes a person left in stress, anxiety, and depression. For example, the research shows that many people are suffering from an emotionally unstable because of being unemployed. On the other hand, it is also essential to be with friends and family. Spending time with family and friends is the best way to create memorable experiences and relaxation of the mind. Moreover, spending quality time with them makes the person connected to their moral values and cultures. In addition, family and friends are the ones who make us feel special, encourages when going through a bad time. To conclude, it is evident that an individual is incomplete without friends and family. However, it is also important to focus on career development for personality nourishment and support to family and friends.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
is a valuable thing in everybody's life. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
advancement. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have an opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
first
rather
than concentrating on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. In my opinion, I believe both are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in an individual's life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
require
Did you mean "understanding"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to understand
when to focus on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
also
when to contribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to family.

Developing in profession contributes to several improvements in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Firstly
, achievement in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
ensures financial stability, which is beneficial in the rise for both society and personal welfare.
In other words
, every earning individual can contribute to the economic growth of the country in the form of taxes.
Secondly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
achievement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to retain self-confidence and self-assurance in a person
rather
than remaining unoccupied
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, anxiety, and depression.
For example
, the research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are suffering from an
emotionally
unstable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
being unemployed
.

On the other hand
, it is
also
essential to be with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is the best way to create memorable experiences and relaxation of the mind.
Moreover
, spending quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the person connected to their moral values and cultures.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are the ones who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us feel special, encourages when going through a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
time.

To conclude
, it is evident that an individual is incomplete without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
However
, it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
development for personality nourishment and support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that public libraries are no longer important while others disagree 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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