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Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. 1
The World Wide Web has revolutionized the way people exchange and use information. Although many benefits are drawn from the use of internet, it has brought some serious concerns as well. One such problem is the exposure of children to inappropriate media and a possible solution would be the government intervention in censoring such content. To begin with, one of the major drawbacks associated with the World Wide Web is that, it is an unregulated platform, where anyone, regardless of age, can access a multitude of sensitive or inappropriate media. This poses a threat, especially to vulnerable groups such as children, as they can be exposed to images and videos of violent activities and adult content. This is largely detrimental to the psychological development of children. For instance, a medical research conducted in the UK found that, a vast majority of adults having psychological disorders had been overly exposed to adult media during their childhood. One possible way to tackle this problem would be to implement strict censoring on the information that are being accessed by children via the World Wide Web. In other words, the government ought to make proper policies on censorship, and impose strict rules and regulations on service providers with fines for non-compliance. To illustrate, in 2015, the British government implemented tough rules on internet providers, requiring them to block the appearance of adverts of adultery movies on teen channels. This could drastically bring down the number of children, who were addicted in watching such movies. To conclude, although it is undeniable that the internet brings numerous advantages in information accessing, it also affects adversely for children, who are exposed to content that is not appropriate for them. However, this can be mitigated by the extensive governmental intervention in monitoring.
The World Wide Web has revolutionized the way
people
exchange and
use
information. Although
many
benefits
are drawn
from the
use
of internet, it has brought
some
serious concerns
as well
. One such problem is the exposure of
children
to inappropriate media and a possible solution would be the
government
intervention in censoring such content.

To
begin
with, one of the major drawbacks associated with the World Wide Web is that, it is an unregulated platform, where anyone, regardless of age, can access a multitude of sensitive or inappropriate media. This poses a threat,
especially
to vulnerable groups such as
children
, as they can
be exposed
to images and videos of violent activities and adult content. This is
largely
detrimental to the psychological development of
children
.
For instance
, a medical research conducted in the UK found that, a vast majority of adults having psychological disorders had been
overly
exposed to adult media during their childhood.

One possible way to tackle this problem would be to implement strict censoring on the information that are
being accessed
by
children
via the World Wide Web.
In other words
, the
government
ought to
make
proper policies on censorship, and impose strict
rules
and regulations on service providers with fines for non-compliance. To illustrate, in 2015, the British
government
implemented tough
rules
on internet providers, requiring them to block the appearance of adverts of adultery movies on teen channels. This could
drastically
bring down the number of
children
, who
were addicted
in watching such movies.

To conclude
, although it is undeniable that the internet brings numerous advantages in information accessing, it
also
affects
adversely
for
children
, who
are exposed
to content
that is
not appropriate for them.
However
, this can
be mitigated
by the extensive governmental intervention in monitoring.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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