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Some people think that public libraries are no longer important, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that public libraries are no longer important, while others disagree. v. 1
Although It is believed by some that public libraries are of no importance anymore, other people do not agree with this assertion. I, however think that these librabries are no longer vital. On the one hand, there has been a decline in the number of visits to the library because of the advancing role of technology in making data research more accessible and easy. In other words, as a result of technological evolution, people can now use the internet to source for information without any hassle. Also with the use of this web, one can have access to a vast number of educational websites at the touch of a button unlike the library where one has to walk around going through stacks of books which might be obsolete. For example, one can now get numerous data about any subject from websites like yahoo, wikipedia, drug. com without stress. I believe this school of thought is right because information gotten from libraries might be out of date and can affect a learner's performance. On the other hand, it is thought that public libraries are still vital because it is unaffected by limitation of technology and also books in the library contain original contents. Firstly, books in the library are not affected by situations like poor internet access or power outage which might be the case when computers are used in place of the traditional libraries. Futhermore, in other to prevent getting adulterated information, it is important that these places remain opened. This is because some information sourced from the internet might be incorrect or even false. To conclude, while people may vary in their opinions, I believe that the public libraries are no longer as vital as they used to because of the advent of technology.
Although It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that public libraries are of no importance anymore,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this assertion. I,
however
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
Possible spelling mistake found.
librabries
are no longer vital.

On the one hand, there has been a decline in the number of visits to the library
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the advancing role of technology in making data research more accessible and easy. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
as a result
of technological evolution,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet to source for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
without any hassle.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this web, one can have access to a vast number of educational websites at the touch of a button unlike the library where one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
walk around going through stacks of books which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be obsolete.
For example
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
numerous data about any subject from websites like yahoo,
Possible spelling mistake found.
wikipedia
, drug.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
com
without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. I believe this school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is right
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
gotten from libraries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be out of date and can affect a learner's performance.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that public libraries are
still
vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is unaffected
by limitation of technology and
also
books in the library contain original contents.
Firstly
, books in the library are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by situations like poor internet access or power outage which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be the case when computers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in place of the traditional libraries.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
getting adulterated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that these places remain opened. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
sourced from the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be incorrect or even false.

To conclude
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinions, I believe that the public libraries are no longer as vital as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the advent of technology.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think that public libraries are no longer important, while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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